What You Should Never Do After Joining Akatsuki
by HMOrange216
Summary: *Sequel to Ten Things To Do When You Join Akatsuki* I never thought that I would say this but here are some things you should NEVER do after you join Akatsuki
1. Cannibal Plants Do Not Exist!

Yay! Sequel's out! This was published way earlier from what I had originally planned, that's because I was really bored today and decided to just type a chapter of this story. But updates might be slower after this because I'm going on vacation and not coming back till August. I'll try to update as often as I can before I leave. I didn't really do anything with Zetsu in my last story, so this chapter is all about Zetsu! Read and review

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Naruto**

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><p><strong>Cannibal Plants Do Not Exist!<strong>

**Never Tell Zetsu he is Cannibal, He is Not and Will Bite Anyone Who Tells Him That**

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><p>Its been about two months since the intruders, everything's been peaceful, well as peaceful as it can ever be in the Akatsuki. But that peaceful streak was broken today, it involves me and our mysterious "plant" member, Zetsu. I never knew what Zetsu was capable of until today. It went a little like this: I woke up normally, like I would any other day. Looking forward to another quiet day, I hopped out of bed to get ready. After breakfast, I was heading over to Leader-sama's office, looking for a mission(That old carrot top finally decided to allow me missions.) I stood in front of his door and reached for his doorknob. The moment I touched it, Tobi yelled "Zetsu-san ate the mailman!". I was so close! It's like somebody didn't want me to get a mission. Wait..What did Tobi say again? Zetsu...ate the mailman? As my mind processed what I just heard, I stood there, with a WTF look on my face, fingers still on Leader-sama's door. I was spacing out and lucky for me, Hidan happened to be walking down the hallway. He just <strong>had <strong>to stop and poke my side.

"Oi! Earth to little bitch" He yelled in my face. Sigh, Hidan was being rude, as usual. I blinked then snapped out of my trance. Frowning, I kicked him where the sun don't shine and instantly he did a double flip in the air and landed on the floor in pain, mumbling some very colorful swear words. I'm not kidding, he seriously flipped in the air. Twice! At this rate, he could join the gymnastics team. Forget the Akatsuki, he got gold medals to win! I didn't feel sorry for him at all. It sort of became part of our daily routine. Hidan insults me, I kick his ass, he cries in pain then swears at me, I swear at him, few hours later we sit together at lunch and continue being the great friends we were(not really).

I decided to investigate the truth about Zetsu. Everyone grab you detective gear and let's get going! First: we interrogate the witness, Tobi.

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><p>Finding Tobi wasn't hard, he's almost always where Deidara is. I walked over to Deidara's room and flung open the door. Who cares about knocking? I have important business to attend to. Sure enough, Tobi was in Deidara's room...playing with his hair? He spotted me and looked at me with the cutest puppy dog eyes and mouthed 'help me'. Awww, who could resist those eyes.<p>

"Oh, Kirina-chan! Tobi is making Sempai look pretty. Do you want to help?" That's a hard question to answer, help Tobi humiliate Deidara, or help my crush get rid of Tobi? I like the first choice better.

"Sorry, Dei-Dei but helping Tobi sounds way more fun."

"Why, un. I thought you loved me!"

"I do, but I just love your hair more than you."

"That hurt, un. That hurt deep in my heart." He said pretending to sound hurt.

"Well too bad. Today is just one of those days." I hopped on his bed next to Tobi and worked on braiding a part of his hair. I had a nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. Oh well, I'm sure it wasn't too important. I was halfway done with my second braid when Tobi spoke up.

"Kirina-chan, Tobi likes your clothes. They look like a detective. I paused, remembering what I was doing here in the first place.

"Tobi! Stop right now, I have to ask you some questions, let's go!" I pulled him out of the room leaving behind a confused but grateful Deidara.

I pushed Tobi into a dark room and shined a flashlight under his face. He was shaking like a mad puppy.

"Tobi, do you remember what you said this morning after breakfast?"

"No, Tobi doesn't know."

"Something about Zetsu."

"Oh! Tobi said Zetsu-san ate the mailman."

"Would you mind telling me, how the hell does Zetsu eat a mailman."

"Zetsu-san eats mailmans all the time, he also ate the garbage man, milk man, Sempai's arm, Leader-sama's mom..." He continued listing off random people that Zetsu ate, at this point I was getting kinda creeped out. Who eats humans for a living?

"Enough!" I hissed in a spooky way enough to make a child wet his pants.

"Ki-kirina-chan, Tobi is a good boy...but Tobi went potty in his pants." Wow, I actually got that right. I ran swiftly out of the room before the smelly odor can spread. Okay, note to self, never speak in that voice **ever **again. Task one is finished. The next thing on my list: Talk to Zetsu.

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><p>I found him in his garden talking to a flower.<p>

"Hello, my lovely darling. I ate a mail man today...What's that you say? Oh, you feel lonely? That's okay, I'll kiss you better." Then, he started snogging the poor flower like there was no tomorrow. Ew, I'm about to hurl.

"Um, Zetsu-san?" He quickly detached his face from the plant. If plants could blush, he'd look like the ripest tomato on Earth.

"What is it?" he hissed menacingly. I flinched in surprise.

"I heard from Tobi today that you ate a mailman. So I was wondering..."

"Yes?"

"Are you a cannibal?" He looked furious. Was it something I said?

"What. The. Hell. Did. You. Just. Say?"

"Are you cannibal? You eat human flesh."

"How am I cannibal. Cannibalism means eating flesh of your own kind."

"Really because you're wrong, cannibalism means eating human flesh."

"Oh, well then, does this make me cannibal?" He started chasing me around the garden trying to bite my head off.

"Ahh! Stop! Don't eat me, please! I'm sorry!" He still continued his chase.

"Ok, ok. How about this? Let's goo ask leader." He stopped and considered it for a moment.

"Maybe we should go." His white side said.

"No, Leader-sama will be very annoyed with us bothering him."

"He won't care."

"Still, no."

"You just want to go back to kissing Lily."

"Shut up! Like you don't want to."

"I really don't. I prefer rose over Lily."

"Don't say that out loud! You'll hurt her feelings."

"sigh, are we going or not."

"Fine, let's go." They headed out the door with me behind them.

Knock, knock.

"Enter." We both entered and stood.

"State your business."

"We have a little problem. So this morning Tobi said that Zetsu ate a mailman and so I was like 'what?' Then I went into Deidara's room to look for Tobi and found him playing with Deidara's hair. After that, I joined in, then in the middle of it I remembered that I was supposed to talk to Tobi then I dragged him into a room asked him some questions and made him wet himself. And then I went to the garden and found Zetsu making out with some plant and I asked him if he was a cannibal, he said no and started chasing me. After that and another 'Zetsu to Zetsu argument' we decided to see you!" I finished with a deep breath. Leader still looked as bored as usual.

"So?"

"So what do you think?" Zetsu asked.

"Of what?"

"Am I cannibal?

"I don't care." Just then, an idea came to mind.

"Oh, oh, Zetsu. I have an idea! I'm gonna make a survey and ask members, if they think that you're a cannibal or not."

"Do what you want. Tell me when you're finished."

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><p>I sped off and made a chart labeled <strong>Is Zetsu A Cannibal?<strong> And put two columns, yes and no. I asked Kisame and Itachi first, since both their rooms were right across from me. They were both gathered together in Itachi's room.

"Hey, Kisame-san, do you think that Zetsu is cannibal?" He thought for a moment and said yes.

"What about you Itachi-san?"

"Hn" I looked at Kisame for help.

"He says that he doesn't care." I frowned, that's not going to help me.

"Can you please tell me it's really important...I'll give you some Sasuke pictures." His eyes widened and he nodded yes.

"Is that a yes, you'll help me or a yes, Zetsu is cannibal?"

"Hn."

"He said it's yes for both."

"Awesome." I took the pictures from my pocket and threw it to him. In the hallway I bumped into Konan.

"Hi, Konan-chan. Do you thaink Zetsu is a cannibal?"

"Um, I don't think so. Isn't cannibal when you eat flesh of the same species? Zetsu isn't human so it doesn't make him cannibal."

"Okay, thanks." She has a point, but I'm not giving up yet! In the living room, three members were gathered there watching some Pokemon marathon. I went up to Hidan first.

"What do you want bitch, I'm watching TV"

"What I want, asshole, is an answer from you. Do you think that Zetsu is a cannibal?"

"That plant face? Hell yeah!" Tobi was next.

"Tobi same question, do you think that Zetsu is a cannibal?"

"No, Tobi thinks that Zetsu-san is really nice and not a cannonball"

"It's cannibal. Whatever, so its a no?"

"Yes."

"Wait, yes?"

"No!"

"Yes, no what?"

"NO, TOBI DOESN'T THINK THAT ZETSU-SAN IS A CANNONBALL!"

"Okay, I got it. Sasori-san, what do you think?"

"My answer is the same as Tobi."

"Okay, thank you." Ugh, Kakuzu is next.

"Kakuzu-san can I ask you a question?"

"$5"

"If you don't answer I'll tell your secret to everyone." he looked surprised for a moment.

"you mean the secret where I buy teddy bears and secretly ship it to my 5 year old son?" So thats what the bears are for!

"Um, yeah that."

"Ok fine! I'll answer your stupid question!"

"Ok, do you think Zetsu is cannibal?"

"Yes! Yes I do. Now please get out and keep my secret!"

"Okay, bye." I walked across the hall to Deidara's room and opened the door without knocking, it's not like he cares. Inside, he was taking a nap. Aww how cute, sucks for him though, he's gonna wake up right about now.

"Deidara! Wakey wakey!" He shot straight up.

"What the hell,un."

"I need to ask you a question."

"I won't answer."

"Why?"

"You made me mad, un."

"Well what do you want?"

"I got a boo-boo today."

"Interesting. And?"

"Kiss it better, un."

"Sigh, if I do will you answer my question?" He nodded.

"Fine where's your little owie?" He pointed to his mouth. Great, I totally fell for it. I leaned in a gave him a quick kiss.

"Hey! That was too short, un."

"Too bad, now answer my question: Do you think Zetsu is a cannibal?"

"Zetsu? Yeah, un. He ate my arm once!"

"Ok, thanks. Bye!" I left and went back to the garden.

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><p>"Hey, Zetsu-san, I got the results!"<p>

"How was it?"

"5 people voted yes and 3 no. Akatsuki speaks! Zetsu you are officially a cannibal!" Zetsu narrowed his eyes and said

"Kirina-chan, I advise you to lock your door tonight and don't go to sleep. We will be watching." He turned and left. I don't think that tonight's sleep will be peaceful at all. Maybe I should sleep with Deidara tonight...

And that's my story about today. That is also why I'm carrying my pillow and blanket over to Deidara's room at 1 in the morning. Sneaking in, I placed my next to his and crawled in next to the sleeping figure beside me. He turned around and sleepily asked me what I was doing in his room.

"I kinda pissed Zetsu off today and he's gonna come find me at night, so I decided to sleep with you."

He murmured 'oh', wrapped his arms around my waist and went to sleep. Ah, I feel so much safer. In your face Zetsu!

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><p>And that was the end of the first chapter. This was long! As you can see, this story doesn't have a list. I don't know how long I want it to be so it can be as short as five chapters or as long as five hundred! No, I'm not really gonna make it that long! Just for the fun of it, I'm making a poll about Zetsu! Check it out if you have the time. Thanks for reading! Bye!<p>

***JD if you are reading this, you should make a FF account if you could! That way, I can reply to your reviews and we can talk about Deidara all day long mwahaha!...JK about that last partXD***


	2. Worship JashinSama

Hey, it's me again! So glad I got another chapter in. Here's the result of yesterday's poll: 2 people said no Zetsu is not a cannibal. I found that answer kinda surprising, what's even more surprising is that people actually voted!XD The next poll is about Hidan, and this next chapter is too. Thanks for all the reviews! Okay, I'll shut up now so you can enjoy the story.

**Disclaimer(I'm getting sick of doing these.) I Do Not Own Naruto.**

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><p><strong>Worship Jashin-Sama<strong>

**The Time Hidan Asks You To Convert To Jashinism, Do It! Or Become A Sacrifice.**

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><p>I woke up in Dei-Dei's bed right next to him, this was Heaven. Sadly, my happiness didn't last long because I turned around and was face to lens with Kakuzu's camera. Click! There was a flash and my picture was taken. Right next to him, Konan was dressed like a reporter and had a fake microphone in her hand. About ¾ of the Akatsuki were standing behind her.<p>

"Good Morning Kirina-chan, how'd you sleep last night?"

"...Good?" The audience behind her nodded, some of them snickering.

"I'm Konan from the Akatsuki News Station and I'm here to ask you a few questions." My eyes widened and I looked at the audience, fearfully.

"It's okay, they don't bite." Konan tried to reassure me.

"Kisame might"

"Right...Kisame get out of here!"

"But, I wanna listen!"

"No! Get out or else I'll tell everyone about the Nemo underwear that you have!"

"You just did."

"Oh, well get out. Don't make me get my paper out." Kisame sped out before she could say another word. Konan turned back to me.

"A few of our viewers were wondering why you weren't in your room today, could you please explain why?"

"What the hell were you guys doing in my room?" No answer.

"Stop changing the subject."

"Konan-chan, I never knew you were the type to do this kind of thing."

"Answer the question!"

"I came here because Zetsu said that he was gonna eat me alive."

"Why couldn't you go to my room?"

"You and Leader-sama were probably doing something and I didn't want to interrupt." Konan blushed and said" No, we weren't! You know what? I'm done questioning you!" She faced the other members.

"Ladies and gentlemen! This is a segment I call 'Wake the Blondie up!' any volunteers?" Tobi jumped up and down waving his hands up. "Oooh Tobi wants too. Pick Tobi, Tobi is a good boy!"

"Hmm, let's see. Okay, you! The orange lollipop." Tobi cheered and jumped on top of Deidara. Ooooh that's gotta hurt. Tobi landed painfully on his stomach. Deidara shot straight up and started choking.

"What the hell, un! Get the f- off me!" Konan pushed Tobi off and waved her microphone in front of Deidara.

"Thank you, Mr. Lollipop for waking up Mr. Grumpy here. Now we have some questions to ask you." I got up and left. I don't think that it's safe to stay in the room any longer. Some other members seem to think the same thing they left the room right after me. The only ones left in there A.K.A the idiots were Konan, Tobi, and Kakuzu who was probably filming this for blackmail. I went back to my room, grabbed my cloak and went to eat breakfast.

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><p>Breakfast was extremely quiet today. Nobody said a word, we were all waiting for the same thing: an explosion. An earsplitting boom could be heard throughout the base. A screaming Tobi flew out of the room and I think he hit the door across from Deidara's room. I have no idea what happened to the other two. Pein got up from the table and almost ran to the scene. Probably going to check if Konan's okay. The rest of us sat there and continued eating. After breakfast, we all left to the living room, except for Hidan, he went back to his room. Another sacrifice? We crowded around the TV and watched a random show. Leader was lecturing Deidara in his office about blowing up his room. Kakuzu came in with burn marks and a calculator, muttering about the cost of the damage. As long as it doesn't affect my paycheck, I don't care. Suddenly, the door to the living room flung opened and entered Hidan wearing these ridiculous diaper things and holding up a sign saying, Worship Jashin-Sama!<p>

"Hidan...What the hell?" I asked.

"I'm f-ing advertising okay? So, you bitches better join!" Kisame and Kakuzu were on the floor laughing hard.

"Hey, what's with the diaper? Little baby Hidan don't know how to go potty?" Kisame asked still laughing. Hidan looked red, and really angry.

"No! This is the official uniform of Jashin."

"What if it's a girl converting to Jashin?" I asked. He was silent for a moment.

"Ummm... I don't know! Get a f-ing towel or something." Wow, great answer Hidan.

"Hahaha, this day just gets better and better. First, I got some great blackmail material, then Deidara blows his room up, and now Hidan shows up in a f-ing diaper!" Kakauzu was going hysterical. He kept on laughing and laughing, I think he's going to run out of oxygen if he keeps this up, he'll lose another heart.

"Grr, shut up f-ers. Hey, little bitch, you interested in joining?"

"No! I don't want to wear that towel thingy."

"It's not a towel! This is made of fine silk." Kakuzu immediately stopped laughing and reached for Hidan's 'silk' diaper. Hidan dodged his grab but Kakuzu's not giving up. Shouting 'money' he got up and reached for the thing again. I covered my eyes, just in case. I could hear Hidan yell and ran out the door, with Kakuzu following.

"Are they gone yet?" I asked the remaining members.

"Hn."

"Is that a ye or no?"

"It's a yes." Sasori answered. I uncovered my eyes and sure enough they were gone. I wiped the sweat from my forehead, got up, and left.

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><p>Just as I was entering my room, I was ambushed by Hidan.<p>

"Ow! What do you want?" Thankfully, he had changed his outfit into his usual, pants and cloak.

"Would you like to join me and worship Jashin-Sama."

"No thank you."

"You get to become immortal!"

"I'm an Atheist thank you very much."

"You'd better join or you f-ing die in Hell, die in hell I tell you!"

"I'm not really the religious type."

"I WILL SACRIFICE YOU TO JASHIN-SAMA!" He carried me to his room, which by the way still smells like baby butt. Ah, good times, good times. He drew his little triangle circle thing and I used this time to scream for help.

"SOMEBODY HELP ME! HIDAN'S GONNA SACRIFICE ME!" No one came to my rescue. Is this really the end for me? Hidan got in the symbol and he was just about to stab me, but was interrupted by Tobi bursting in and tackled him to the ground. Deidara also came in and picked me up. He took me outside, leaving Tobi behind.

"Shouldn't we get Tobi too?"

"I don't care, un. He can get sacrificed."

"Don't be so mean Dei-kun. He saved my life."

"I did too, un."

"You didn't do anything. He was the one who tackled Hidan!"

"Sigh, un" He carried me back to Hidan's room, inside Tobi was being Tobi and was blabbering about some crap involving flying pink monkeys. Hidan was stabbing himself, trying to die and escape the wrath of Tobi.

"...I think Tobi is going to be just fine."

"Yeah, un."

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><p>That's it! Vote in the poll if you have time. I feel like this is sort of revenge on Kirina for all the pranks she did in the last story. Thanks for reading, don't forget to review. Bye!<p> 


	3. A Barbie Book, A Bear, And Some Dresses

It's Dei-Dei's chapter! I wonder what Kirina is gonna do to him...Thanks to TearsofTheFallen for giving me ideas for this chapter! Hope you guys like it, remember to read and review!

**Disclaimer:I do not own Naruto**

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><p><strong>A Barbie Book, A Teddy Bears, And Some Dresses<strong>

**The word boyfriend is pretty literal therefore, Deidara is not a girl and shouldn't be called that(even if you have enough evidence to prove that point.)**

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><p>No...get away Jashin! I don't want a diaper...Tobi, flying monkeys... My eyes shot opened. That was the worst dream I've had in a while. I dreamed that Jashin was chasing me with a diaper and flying monkeys come out of nowhere with pink Tobi masks! I was still very scared and shaky, the only way to calm me down is to eat. That's exactly what I was doing.<p>

In the kitchen, I spotted a bag of cookies! Yay, I love cookies...but they were labeled Hidan's Do Not Touch. Who cares, I peeled the label off and stuck it on a can of green beans. Nobody would want to touch that for sure. I ate one cookie, then another, and another. I think I was on my tenth before I got thirsty and drank some milk right out of the carton. I had a little giggle fit and poor Tobi had to be there during my little sugar high.

"Good morning Kirina-chan!" Giggle.

"Hey Tobi! Let's play a game! How about we play tickle fight?" Giggle, giggle, giggle.

"Umm, Tobi thinks Kirina-chan needs a little nappie." He pushed me towards my room and gently closed the door.

"Nightey-night, Kirina-chan!" I was left alone. Probably not a very smart thing to do right now... I started puling out random clothes from my dresser and found a bunch of sparkly dresses. Must've bought them during my last sugar rush. I think I should give these to Konan or something, but a little disturbing picture took over my head. Deidara in one of these dresses. I got another idea for a prank and this one is the best one yet.

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><p>Sneaking down the hall, I ran to his room and checked to make sure nobody was in there. Empty, good. I went inside and removed all his clothing from the bottom drawer, then I put all the dresses neatly folded in there. I put his usual clothes under his bed. Sitting on his bed and waiting for him, I tried my best not to have another giggle fit. Looking around for something to do, I spotted a book next to his bed. <strong>Barbie and the Three Musketeers<strong> I started reading and after the first two pages I threw it to some corner. Who reads this crap? After that, I heard a toilet flush. He's coming back! Thinking fast, I grabbed his teddy bear I found and started giggling.

"Kirina-chan, what's so funny, un?"

"Heh heh, said that he made a poo-poo on your pillow!"

"...Are you high on something?"

"Maybe."

"You went into Zetsu's garden and ate something again didn't you?"

"No! I vowed never to do that again in my life!" I shuddered at the memory. He walked over and sat down net to me.

"Hey Dei-kun?"

"Yeah?" I snuggled up next to him.

"I have something very important to tell you."

"What, un" I giggled.

"You're a girl!" He pushed me away.

"No! We are not having that conversation again, un!"

"But I have proof!"

"I don't care, un. I'm am male, okay?"

"Oh yeah, well explain this." I went over and picked up the book. He started blushing and stuttering.

"Uh, well. You see..."

"**Barbie and The Three Musketeers** great book choice."

"Tobi got that for me last Christmas, un. It's not like I was reading it or something."

"Oh, well in that case let me tell you the ending of the book, Barbie and her-"

"Don't spoil it, un!" He cut me off.

"Uh huh. So you admit that you were reading it."

"Well, I just took a little peek. That doesn't count as reading, un." I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Sure, whatever. Anyways, next order of business. This." I held up the bear. He was smirking. This wasn't right...

"Oh I can explain that, a girlfriend of mine gave me that before, un." O_O shocked face. I held up the bear and tried to suffocate it. Real stupid, I know, but when a girl's jealous they get pretty crazy.

"Must. Kill. Teddy. Bear." Deidara must've sensed the killing aura around my, because he grabbed my hands before I could stab the bear to its death.

"I was kidding, un. Kidding. This bear was just something I had when I was a kid." Instantly I brightened up and hugged the bear.

"Aww, how cute!" Then I remembered why I was here in the first place. "Ah, so back to the point. Before I show you the next thing, I have to do something first!" I ran from his room.

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><p>Okay, I've gathered all the jokesters in the Akatsuki, Kakuzu too. Now I have to convince Konan to watch.<p>

"Come on, Konan-chan. I have to show you something!"

"What?"

"It's really important!"

"But, I'm busy."

"It won't take long, I promise. Oh and bring your microphone."

"Fine." We went back to Deidara's room where the people I invited gathered.

"Kirina, why are all these people here, un." By people, he meant Hidan, Kisame, Tobi, and Kakuzu. Konan, with her microphone in hand, was waiting patiently next to the audience.

"Ok, let's get started. This is the Akatsuki News Station! Today, I'm acting as guest reporter and showing you, evidence that Deidara is a girl." A few of them looked interested and Deidara facepalmed himself. Konan just looked plain amused.

"Our first piece of evidence, this Barbie book. The victim claims it to be a present from Tobi and was just 'taking a peek at it'" Cue the snickers coming from the audience.

"Next we have a teddy bear. At first he tried to prank me by saying that it was a present from his ex, what it really was is a gift from his childhood. Cute, right?" Kakuzu started taking pictures. More blackmail? That greedy old man.

"Ok, last but not least...these." Everyone burst out laughing and Konan ran over to Deidara, trying to hide her own laughter, and interviewed him about the 'items' I had shown them. Yep, I showed the dresses.

"Deidara, please explain the dresses."

"I don't know why the hell they're there, un!" This was hilarious to look at.

"I bet you Kirina put them in there!" Wow, thanks a lot Kisame! Deidara turned slowly and glared at me.

"Okay, everybody out, un." He shooed everyone out and locked the door.

"Kirina-chan, let's have a little talk." Thinking fast, I ran over to him with a little pout and puppy dogs eyes.

"I'm sowwy Dei-Dei." I knew he couldn't resist the deadly eyes. And I was right, he bent down and hugged me.

"Just don't do it again, un"

"Ok, and Deidara?"

"Yeah?" I got ready to run for it.

"You're still a girl!" I ran out as fast as I could.

"KATSU!" Boom, lucky for me, I made a water clone before it could affect me. Kakuzu isn't gonna be happy once he sees the damages. I don't think Deidara will see his paycheck at the end of the month.

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><p>Sigh, Kirina will never learn. Wonder why Deidara still likes her so much...The chapter's done! I think I'll do Kisame next:) Review please! Thanks for reading, Bye!<p> 


	4. To The Beach

This is going to be the last update before I go on vacation:( I'll still be reading fanfics and replying to messages but I can't type my story:( guess that's one drawback of vacation...oh well. Anyways, this is Kisame's chappie! And because I like polls so much, I will make one about Kisame! So vote if you have time.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

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><p><strong>To The Beach...<strong>

**Never take Kisame to the beach, it involves a whole lot of trouble and several deaths...**

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><p>It was a burning hot day. Nobody wanted to move, it was also Sunday, meaning no missions. Even Tobi, who was usually very hyper, passed out on the couch in the living room. Everyone was sweating and the guys all had their shirts off. Me and Konan would've had a massive nosebleed if we weren't so tired. It was getting really hard to focus, hello? Hot shirtless guys and a hot day? My vision was blurry and soon I passed out right on the floor.<p>

When I woke up, Konan was fanning with a paper fan she made.

"Are you awake Kirina-chan?" I nodded my head. Tobi, who must've woken up before me, was back to being his normal self.

"Kirina-chan, Kirina-chan! You're awake! Does Kirina-chan want to play with Tobi the good boy?"

"Sorry, Tobi but I'm too tired. Why don't you go play with your Sempai?" He shook his head.

"Tobi asked, but Sempai threatened to replace Tobi's hair gel with clay and blow Tobi's head off!"

"Oh, well since it's so hot, why don't you go outside and fry an egg?" Tobi waved his hands excitedly and went to the kitchen to get an egg. The day dragged on. Maybe I should go to Kisame's room and take a swim. Tobi came back a while later holding a plate of eggs and sweat stuck on his mask(Don't ask me how it got there)

"Kirina-chan, Tobi is a good boy and made some eggs like you said! Eat it!"

"Umm, where exactly did you cook this, Tobi?"

"On the sidewalk in front of the base!"

"You mean the place where Pein's dog used to poop?"

"Yep!"

"Er, I'm not really hungry. Why don't you give it to your Sempai, I heard that he was **really** hungry and needed some eggs!"

"Okay!" He ran off and I followed him.

Tobi presented the eggs to a very bored, not to mention shirtless, Deidara who was currently molding some clay.

"Sempai! Tobi made some eggs for you." Deidara eyed the eggs suspiciously but they looked like normal, plain eggs, so he took a bite. And immediately spit it out!

"This taste like dog shit, un!" I couldn't stop laughing.

"Deidara, how do you know what shit taste like? Unless, you're saying that you've eaten it before."

"Ew! Sempai ate poop!"

"I did not, un! It's just that- I- Just get out of my room!" He pushed the two crazy, laughing members out. We laughed for awhile longer, then I decided to lay on the couch. Tobi laid down on the floor next to me. Soon, a sweating Pein entered, with Konan tailing behind him.

"Ugh, Konan I can't take this heat anymore! And it's just too quiet! Call everyone to the living room for a meeting." Pein complained. Konan rushed off to inform the members.

I took a total of ten minutes to get everyone situated in the room. Yep, a very slow day.

"Akatsuki, I have decided that it's too hot in here, and very quiet. So, we are going to...the beach!" Tobi jumped up and did a silly victory dance, while a few members mumbled 'yay'.

"You have half an hour to get ready, dismissed." Everyone walked out in slow-mo.

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><p>Me and Konan met up in the hallway and walked to the living room in our swimsuits, where all the guys were waiting for us. Except Zetsu, he didn't want to go. When we walked in most of the guys passed out from nosebleed and shock. Even Itachi had something red dripping down his nose. We both rolled our eyes, its like they never seen girls in a bikini before. Innocent Tobi didn't understand why all of his Sempai's fainted at the sight of us.<p>

"Is Kirina-chan and Konan-chan a monster? Why did all the Sempai's die?" I ruffled his hair. He is so childish.

"No, we're not monsters. Your Sempai's are just a bunch of pervs who can't stand the sight of hot women like us in swimsuits." I answered. Konan was busy trying to kick the members awake. Pein was the first to recover.

"Okay, to the Akatsuki Mobile!" Note: The Akatsuki mobile is not a car! Kakuzu is too cheap to buy us one. The Akatsuki Mobile is an oversized clay bird that Deidara made with black and red paint. It can fit our whole organization on it without killing anyone.

We all got on the bird, I sat in between Deidara and Kisame. Pein made Konan sit in the back, probably because he didn't want people staring at her. So we took off leaving Zetsu in charge of the base.

During the flight, I got bored and asked Kisame a really stupid question.

"Kisame, where were you born?" He looked at me weird and answered "My Mom"

"Oh." and another question popped up.

"Is your mom a shark or your dad?"

"Mom"

"Okay." Bad mental images filled my mind. TMI!

"Why do you want to know?"

"Just..wondering."

"Oh. Do you want to join the National Stop Eating Shark Fin Soup Because They Kill Sharks And Sharks Are Awesome Club?"

"The what?"

"Or just NSESFSBTKSASAAC for short."

"Um, sure?" Then he ranted about how many people eat shark fin soup and how many sharks are killed in the process. I got really bored and fell asleep on Deidara's shoulder.

"Kirina-chan, wake up, un." I opened my eyes.

"Are we there already?"He nodded. We parked the bird next to some small minivan. It looked really weird next to the other cars...

"I love going to the beach and seeing all the people die when the see me!" Kisame exclaimed. Did I just hear that right? Did he saying people dying? When we arrived, screams were heard everywhere. I knew something wasn't right. I tugged at Deidara's arm.

"What's going on?"

"Don't worry, un. It's just Kisame."

"That's so mean!"

"Nah, he doesn't care, un. Actually, he likes people fearing him. Makes him feel superior, un." I looked over and saw Kisame grinning.

"Yeah, people fear the shark!"

A while later, the beach was empty. In the end, **5 people fainted, 3 died of heart attack, 187 fled, 10 Akatsuki members, and one innocent shark.**

"Looks like we get the beach to ourselves again." Leader said. This is one of the weirdest beach trips I've ever experienced yet, it's one of the best.

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><p>Well, I'm done with this chapter. Who should I write about next? In the Hidan poll, most of the people voted that they would convert to Jashinism, that's awesome, as long as I'm not your next sacrifice. Thanks for reading and I'll see you in a month! Bye!<p> 


	5. A Very Deadly Sweet Tooth

Hey! Imma back! Missed me? Finally got to update so I'm happy. I have like a million stories that I want to post(More like three) but I don't have the time.

Sigh, a really funny thing happened on the way to the airport(more sad than funny) We had to take a taxi there so we put all our suitcases in and in the middle of the ride one of our beags fell and we didn't know until my brother said that we were missing one. But by then it was too late:( So now, all the Naruto plushies I got were all gone!

Anyways, moving on with the story. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto(Yet!)**

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><p><strong>A Very Deadly Sweet Tooth<strong>

**Never eat random dango, one word:Deadly!**

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><p>Hunger is a humans worst nightmare. I feel like I'm in the deepest pit of hell...<em>growl<em>. Yup, sorry that was me. I'm so hungry right now. Stupid Pein, making me work overnight for some stupid project of his. I looked over at the clock beside me, Six AM. I guess I could go snag some food from the kitchen since nobody's awake. Except Pein...old man, waking up early to do his "strengthening exercises" or whatever the hell he calls it.

Food time! I dashed into the kitchen to find...nothing. Can somebody please explain to me why a criminal organization that probably has boatloads of money, doesn't have any decent food in their kitchen? Wait, is that a stick I see behind the microwave? Peering behind I found dango! Hungrily, I shoved the whole stick in my mouth. Why would anyone leave this precious goody alone in the kitchen? They must be real stupid to do that. I returned to my room and slept like a pig.

An ear-splitting scream pierced my ears. I didn't know Konan could scream that loud. Isn't she on a mission? Then who? I had to uncover the mystery.

I slipped into my cloak and left my room. Only to find a horrified Itachi staring at a stick. More specifically my stick...not in that way! Itachi dramatically turns his head towards me. My instincts called for me to run, which was exactly what I did.

Thinking fast, I did a few hand signs and ran into the wall turning into a water clone. Itachi, sadly got the bad end of the stick and crashed into the wall, passed out.

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><p>"Woah!" I said,Surprised"The great Itachi falls to the even greater Kirina! And you call yourself an Uchiha, ya can't even dodge a wall! Haha. Pause." I'm supposed to be running away from him. Right.<p>

I escaped to Kisame's room where he was busy talking to his goldfish, Gladys or something like that.

"Hey, Kisame is it okay if I hide in your fishtank for awhile?"

"Wha-"

"Yes? Ok thank you!" I jumped in and hid my chakra. A few moments later, Itachi comes in and asks "Kisame have you seen Kirina?"

"Er, Kirina?" nervous chuckle. "No of course I haven't" Kisame's such a horrible liar!

"Hn, ok then, I'll look somewhere else." Itachi left and Kisame lets out a sigh of relief. I quickly jumped out of the watery dump.

"Damn Kisame! Clean your tank already!"

"I let you hide in there and lied to Itachi for you, isn't there something you need to say?" I pretended to think for awhile.

"Yup, Kisame you're a horrible liar." Facepalm.

I continued running away from the Uchiha. So, looking like a wet dog, I ran into Hidan's room. Which, readers, is not exactly the best choice. Especially if he's in the middle of a ritual.

"Hey, bitch. Finally decided to convert?"

"Nope never in my life. If you want people to convert so badly then get your fangirls. Also, where's your silk diaper?"

"One, you either join or you're dead meat! Two, fangirls are the perfect ritual material...now fanboys are a whole different thing. Finally three, I had a little accident on my diaper yesterday involving too much beer before bed."

I started backing away.

" Okay then...don't need the details on that."

"What the f- are you doing in my room anyways?"

"Umm, hiding?" he narrowed his eyes at me.

"Get the f- out!" I didn't need another warning after that!

Out of all the rooms in the base, I ended up in Tobi's. I don't know why. After a few rounds of tea party, my pursuer finally time there was no way out. I hid behind Tobi.

"Help Tobi! Help!" The oh so brave Tobi spread his arms out and tried to shield me.

"Tobi, I have rainbow unicorn cookies, move aside and they're all yours."

"Don't Tobi! You can't leave me. Your sempai will never forgive you." Tobi's head drooped.

"Tobi is sorry to Kirina-chan and sempai...but RAINBOW UNICORN COOKIES ARE MORE IMPORTANT!" He waved his hands around and went to Itachi.

"Uchiha you are evil! Pure evil!"

"Hn. Tsukiyomi." Then everything turned black.

Important rule: Itachi loves dango so much he is willing to use tsukiyomi on the person who eats it. Even if it means worsening his vision.

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><p>Ok that was the end! The result of the Kisame poll was this:11 people voted that he was a shark-man. Which leadsto the question: was his mom the shark or dad? And also, what was a human doing with a shark? Well, whatever. The next poll is about Itachi's beloved food, dango! See ya next time. Bye!<p> 


	6. The Hyper Orange Mask

Hey, Me again! So, I don't have much to say here today...let's just get on with it then. Don't forget to review!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!**

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><p><strong>The Hyper Orange Mask<strong>

**Don't ever take Tobi grocery shopping! Nobody wants a hyper orange lollipop in their store!**

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><p>Remember how I said that there wasn't any food in Akatsuki? Well there will be after this. Let me introduce you to my new mission: grocery shopping...with Deidara and Tobi. Oh boy, can't wait to see the results of this.<p>

I was pushing the shopping cart with Tobi in the middle doing some weird dance and Deidara on the other side. Some lady looks at us and asks: "You look to young to be a mom, but is he your son?"

"Excuse me? I'm only seventeen! Do I look like a mom to you?"

"Oh sorry, my bad." She leans in and whispered " Then are you dating both of them?"

"What the hell, lady. I. . Dating. The. Both. Of. Them...only one."

"Well then, can I guess which one?"

"NO!"

"Is it that orange thing next to you?"

"No its not that orange thing next to me! You know what, Deidara blow her up!"

"You have to say please, un."

"Like hell I would! Do it!"

"No." I glared at him.

"What did you say?" I continued glaring.

"Uh, I meant, of course I'll do it right away!" That trick works everytime.

"Good. Come on Tobi let's go buy some cookies!"

"Can I go, un?"

"Not until you finish your work."

"Yay, Tobi gets to go shopping with Kirina-chan and sempai doesn't!"

"Shut up, baka!"

"Tobi let's go"

"Hai!"

Wow,there are like a million different cookie brands!

"Tobi, which cookie do you-" Boom! Deidara did his job, so he should be joining us, right about, now. Poof. He appeared in front of us.

"Hey, un. What are you buying?"

"Animal crackers!"

"No way, un. Those are so childish! Oreos are better."

"No, animal crackers!"

"Oreos!"

"Animal crackers!"

"Oreos, un!"

"Animal- where's Tobi?"

"Ore- hey, thats not a real cookie!"

"...really? If we can't find Tobi, Leader-sama will kill us with more work!"

"Ok, un. Lets buy both."

"No! Kakuzu will kill me with bills! Worry about cookies later. Lets find Tobi." _Munch, munch, munch. _I heard someone eating. Must be Tobi!

"I think he's in the next aisle, un."

"Yeah." We walked over and saw him eating his favorite, Rainbow unicorn cookies.

"Hi sempai! Look what I found!"

"Baka! You're supposed to pay for it first!" The masked "boy" started giggling like a maniac.

"What's wrong with you, un?" I know exactly what was wrong with Tobi, and it's not good.

"Deidara, my advice:run!"

"Why, un?"

"SUGAR RUSH!" We both ran away while Tobi went the opposite way, destroying everything in his path.

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><p>Where can we run to? Nowhere's safe and we have to stay in the store. Maybe...no that's not going to work out. But I have to try!<p>

"I have a place we can hide."

"Where's that, un?"

"No time to talk, come on!" I tugged on his arm an led him to "the place"

"Is this the best place you can think of, un?"

"Sorry, but this is safe. Right?" We were both squished in a stall in the girls bathroom.

"Why couldn't you have chosen the men's bathroom instead?"

"Because you can pass as a girl and I don't look a thing like a guy."

"Why God? Why does this devil have to be my girlfriend, un?" I whacked his head.

"Are you saying that you regret that decision?"

"Yeah kind of, un"

"Ugh, we don't have time for this. We'll talk about this later. Ok, I'll go and get the groceries and you find Tobi."

"Why do I have to find Tobi?"

"Stop whining! Just do it!"

"Do I get Oreos?"

"Sigh,fine." I unlocked the door and the lady from earlier spotted Deidara and screamed.

"There's a guy in the woman's bathroom! HELP! We're all gonna die!"

"I thought you blew her up!"

"I thought so too, un!"

"Well do it now!"

"Katsu!" Bye bye annoying lady.

"I told you I don't look like a girl, un."

"She met you before, so obviously she knows!" We split up and I started sweeping whatever I saw in the cart...and a bag of Oreos.

"Dear shoppers, this is the store manager speaking, there is a hyper orange lollipop monster in this store. We advise you to...LEAVE THIS STORE IMMEDIATLY WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE AAAAHHHHHHH!Thank for shopping with us. Goodbye." After that, all hell broke loose. Shoppers screamed and were pushing eachother to the exit. Including the lady from the bathroom. Deidara needs to work on his bombs a little more. It seems, he hasn't caught Tobi yet. That can't be good.

"Tobi slow down, un! Katsu!" Several bombs went off. Shit, I grabbed a near by carrot and rushed off to Tobi.

"Hey Tobi, look this is a new candy wanna try?" I waved the carrot in front of his masked face.

"What are you planning, un?"

"You'll see."

"Candy looks like Leader-sama's hair! Tobi doesn't like!"

"Bad boy! Tobi has to eat candy or else he's a bad boy!"

"Wahhh, Tobi is a good boy. Tobi will eat candy!" He took the carrot and ate it whole. A minute late his sanity returned.

"Kirina-chan, what happened?"

"Nothing happened. Come on, we're done shopping." We walked to the cashier and payed for the food. Outside, a few police officers cornered us.

"Excuse ma'am and sir?"

"Yes,un?"

"Are you two responsible of this kid?"

"Ye-" I was about to answer but Deidara cut me off.

"No, we are not, un."

"Well then, is it ok if we arrest him for further investigation?" I looked at Deidara for help.

"Yeah sure, take him away, un. Now if you'll excuse us, my girlfriend and I would like to go home."

Sure, thanks." The officer turned to his companions.

"Arrest the hyper monster!"

"Hai!"

"Tobi is a good boy! Sempai where are they taking Tobi?"

"Candyland, un."

"Yay! Bye Sempai. Bye. Kirina-chan!"

"Bye Tobi!" we turned around and left.

"Deidara." I whispered. "Wouldn't Pein punish us for letting Tobi go?"

"I don't think so, un. We all need a break from him. He'll be back in a few days. But he'll have to pay for damaging property."

"Pay? Tobi doesn't have money! Kakuzu is probably gonna make us pay!"

"...right" I ran back to the police.

"Deidara, I go get Tobi and you go boom!"

"Bang,un I go bang!"

"Nobody cares! Wait police people wait!"

"What is it lady? I need to get back!"

"What kind of tone are you talking to me with? Once we're done with this I'm gonna complain to your boss. I need to talk to my friend. Is. That. Ok?"

"Sorry ma'am. Its ok, he's over there." I ran over to Tobi and grabbed his arm.

"Kirina-chan, where are we going?"

"Questions later, we have to get out!"

"Hey they're escaping! After them!"

"Not so fast,un. ART IS...A BANG! KATSU!" Let's hope that those bombs work.

"Kirina, lets go, un!"

After running a good ten miles we slowed down.

"Tobi wants to go to Candyland!"

"Sure you could go next week with Itachi-san."

"Yay! Candlyland!" Mwahaha payback for yesterday, Itachi.

"You two stop talking and start walking home, un."

"Yeah lets start walking home and talk about your decision of regreting dating me, right Deidara?"

"...yeah...sure, un." Oh he is going to regret ever saying that!

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><p>So for the last poll, five people voted. 3 people said that they never tried it(I haven't either) 1 said yummy and 1 said meh. Thanks for voting! Next poll is about Tobi. Review and tell me what you think! Bye!<p> 


	7. An Old Man's First Date

Hey, how y'all doin? Thanks for all the reviews! I find this chapter a bit strange yet, it's kinda funny too;) tell me what you think about it!

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><p><strong>An Old Man's First Date<strong>

**Don't ever introduce Kakuzu to an online dating site, apparently rich ladies don't like greedy old men much.**

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><p>"5162, 5163, 516-bam!" The old cheapskate fell, dropping the money he was holding.<p>

"Whoo! It's raing money!"

"Kirina, you should watch where you're going!"

"Why don't you watch where you're going, old man!"

"I'm not old!"

"Says the thousand-year wrinkling old hag, how old are you anyways?"

"91" he said proudly, like he was still a young teenager. Yeah right!

"Damn, that's old. Have you ever been on a date?"

"What's a date?" He asked like a child.

"You seriously don't know what a date is." he nodded.

"I thought you had a wife and son."

"They were arranged by my parents."

"Oh, well a date is like...a date is when you...a date is...like leader and Konan!"

"You mean a date is when two people hide in their rooms and shun themselves from the rest of the universe doing whatever the hell they're doing?"

"Uh...close enough." It was way off.

"Can I get a date?"

"Sure, you have a computer?" He gasped and looked at me with wide eyes. "A computer? No. Don't tell me you have one! That's so expensive! Young kids like you should learn how to save more!"

"You mean you don't have one? How do you go on the internet and read fanfiction?"

"The library provides free internet for poor people in need, like me. What's fanfiction?" Poor? Kakuzu is far from poor, but I ain't saying that out loud. "Fanfiction is another matter that we'll discuss some other day. Just for today, you can borrow mine." He nodded and I saw an evil glint in his eyes.

"On second thought, lets just use Deidara's today."I started it up. Password? Hmm...that's easy! Art, is, a, bang! I clicked enter. His wallpaper was a burning 9/11. That cold-hearted bastard! How could he put something like that? I'm changing it! I clicked the folder for his birthday pictures and saved the drunk Tobi picture as the wallpaper. I considered using the one with me and him together, but I'm still mad at him for yesterday.

"Okay so. Online dating is when you go to a website and make a profile then meet some people and go out on a date." He nodded." It's free, right?"

"Yes, it's free."

"Okay." He typed rapidly on the keyboard. Please don't break it, I prayed. I am mad at Deidara but I don't want to break his computer! Kakuzu shooed me away when I tried to peek at what he was typing. All I saw was rich. Is he looking for a rich lady or saying that he's rich? Most likely both.

"I'm done." I looked over his profile.

Age, 21. "Kakuzu you don't look a thing like a twenty-one year old."

"Fine." He changed it to 21 with failed plastic surgery.

"That's more like it." I continued reading.

Occupation: S-ranked criminal "If you put that up, only undercover ANBU would "date" you."

"Okay, Okay. I'll change that!" He changed his job to dentist. Way off, but whatever. Next, hobbies: killing people, bount hunting, kicking Hidan's sorry ass I like doing that too, and hahaha sewing! "Kakuzu-san-"

"I know, change that too."

"Yeah, but keep the sewing. I'm sure women likes men who can sew." After fixing it, hobbies: wrestling, golf, singing? And sewing. Interested in rich people. Okay, we'll leave it with that. Self introduction: I am a rich young adult interested in someone who is rich. Ever since I was young, girls dated me only because of my money. I want to date someone equal, someone who can love me for who I am. Aww, that's so sad. Even if it is a lie.

"Okay it's good."

"So when will I get a date?"

"I don't- oh! You just got a message! Haruno Sakura wants to date you. Do you accept? Does that name sound familiar to you?"

"Yeah, but say yes anyways." I clicked accept. "It asked you where you want to meet."

"How about that steak house, I don't remember the name?"

"Well you have to remember it now!"

"No, that is the name."

"Let me get this straight the steakhouse is called I Don't Remember the Name?"

"Yeah, you never heard of it?"

"No!" I typed it and clicked send.

"Kakuzu-san why don't you get ready for your date?" He got up and left. I googled Haruno Sakura. A million results came up. Unfair! I don't get that much when I google my name! I clicked on a link. Narutopedia. Turns out, she was a ninja from Konoha. The door opened.

"What'cha doin, un?"

"None of your business." He sat next to me and stared at the screen. "Don't you have your own computer? Who's that, un."

"Yes, I do have my own computer. That's Kakuzu's date and you ask too many questions."

"How did Kakuzu get a date, un?"

"Online dating."

"Figures. Can we go watch, un?"

"You know, that's not a bad idea! You ever heard of I Don't Remember the Name Steakhouse?"

"Yeah, don't tell me you don't."

"Well guess what? I don't! Happy?"

"Whatever. So are we watching or not?"

"Yeah, go get dressed and bring your wallet."

"Wait, I'm paying, un?" I already left.

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><p>" Hello and welcome to I Don't Remember the Name Steakhouse. Table for two?" We nodded.<p>

"This way please." he led us to the table right across from Kakuzu. Perfect! It seems that Sakura was just arriving. I swear she looked shocked at the sight of Kakuzu.

"Did you see that, un? She looks scared."

"Yeah, poor Kakuzu."

"Umm, hello. I'm Sakura."

"Kakuzu." he didn't get up and pull her chair out or shook her hand at all. Heck, he didn't even glance at her. They started ordering food and so did we.

"I want this one, this one and that one." I told our waiter.

"Are you sure you can eat that much, un?"

"...No." Kakuzu's food arrived and they started eating. Kakuzu was eating like a hungry pig while Sakura was slowly chewing her salad. When Kakuzu was finished he asked if she was gonna finish that. She narrowed her eyes and shook her head no. He took it and gobbled that up too. Such a disgrace to the Akatsuki. Our salad came and we started eating. Halfway through my salad I got bored so I pushed my plate towards Deidara. "Don't give that to me, un. I'm not Kakuzu."

"I know that but you shouldn't waste food." he rolled his eyes and ate it. Kakuzu's steak came and he threw the whole thing in his mouth. "So..hows your job?"

He paused mid-chew.

"It's great. There are lots of..lots of um, cavities! Yeah, alot of patients have cavities. I have to drill holes in their dark rotten teeth. Its quite satisfiying." Sakura's face turned a little green.

"Hey, I don't feel like eating my steak. Do you want it?"

"Sure."

"Deidara, I think I lost my appetite."

"Me too, un." The rest of dinner went smoothly and my appetite returned when dessert came. The check came and Deidara payed with tears on his face. Kakuzu's check came too but he pushed it towards Sakura. Her eyes widened and she looked ready to punch someone's face in. But she payed it anyways. Glaring at Kakuzu, she got up and left.

"Deidara, lets get home before Kakuzu does." He nodded and we left via backdoor.

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><p>"Hey Kakuzu, how was your date yesterday?"<p>

"It was great, but I don't think that she's my type. Foodwaster."

"Well that's too bad."

"Nah it's okay. I have another date today actually."

"Really? With who?"

"Someone named friend."

"Oh where are you eating at?"

"Same place."

"Ok. Well I'll see you around then." I ran into Deidara's room.

"Deidara! Kakuzu has another date!

Here we were about to leave. Then Hidan suddenly comes out of nowhere.

"Oi! Where da f- are you going?"

"Kakuzu's date. Now get out of my way."

"That old geezer's got a date before me? Well f- I wanna go!"

"Fine. But hurry! Wear your nicest clothes and bring your wallet." He dissapeared in his room for a minute then came out in...

"Oh no! No way in hell are you wearing that!"

"But these are my nicest!" he whined. His idea of nice clothes are obviously his silk diaper.

"I thought you didn't have this anymore."

"Washed it."

"We're running out of time. Put on some pants and a t-shirt."

"What the f- is a t-shirt?"

"Just go ask Kisame for one."

He returned wearing a shirt that says I Wuv Sharks with a baby shark printed on it and NSESFSBTKSASAAC.

"This cottony shit is a t-shirt?"

"Yes now lets go!" I pulled both men towards the door.

"Help me Jashin-sama!"

"I'm sorry sir, your horrible choice of wardrobe is not fitted to be in this restaurant."

"What the f- did you say? I will f-ing sacrifice you to Jashin!" Oh great, we're gonna get kicked out. The waiter's eyes widened.

"You're a follower of Jashin? I am too!" Say what? He ripped his uniform off.

"See? I have a rosary too!"

"That's nice and all, un. But can we get our table yet?" Yay, thank you Deidara for stopping this religious reunion.

"Sorry, here's your table."

"So any good sacrifices lately?" Hidan asked.

"Yeah I found this squirrel-"

"Why don't you two lovebirds get your own table!"

"Sorry ma'am here's your menu." he wrote his number and mouthed 'call me' to Hidan. We hid our faces in the menu and waited for Kakuzu's date to arrive.

Turns out, Kakuzu's date was...Gaara, the Kazekage!

"What is that ass-" Deidara started freaking out. I quickly covered his mouth.

"Shh! You can complain later." The Kazekage stared. Kakuzu stared.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Kakuzu asked.

"I could ask you the same question!"

"I'm waiting for my date!"

"As am I."

"Sigh, we might as well just get this over with."

"True dat."

"Wha-"

"Something wrong?"

"Never mind. Waiter!" They started ordering so we did too.

"I want this and this and that. Oh, that dessert looks good to!"

"Are you sure you can eat all that shit?" I shrugged.

"Doesn't matter."

"That's a waste of money."

"She doesn't care,un. She's not the one paying. We are."

"What? F- you bitch!" I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Shh! They're talking, un!" Gaara was asking Kakuzu a question.

"Do you like bears?"

"You mean teddybears?" We giggled.

"Yes."

"I love teddybears! Do you?" Gaara nodded.

"I send them to my lovely son. He's sixty now, I think." I heard Kakuzu's son is dead...

"Are you good at makeup?" Gaara asked.

"Not really, why?"

"Oh." he looked quite disappointed. "I was hoping that you'd have some advice for the rings under my eyes."

"That's easy. I used to have those. All you do is mix a squirrel's poop with sugar, salt and a little bit of lemon juice. Then rub the mixture on your eyes. Few days later, it will disappear!"

"Really? You tried it?"

"Yep." The three of us fell off our chairs laughing. Kakuzu stared at us with a killing aura.

"Excuse me." Gaara got up and left.

"What the hell are you three doing here?"

"Sorry, we were just watching." The two idiots were still laughing.

"I will kill you! You ruined my perfect date!"

"You two get up and run!" We all got up and ran for the door. Sadly, Kakuzu was faster, he tied us up with his thread thing.

"Ahh! I'm being raped by tentacles, un. It's true! You do rape people with those!"

"Deidara, shut up! You're not helping."

"Come on Kakuzu, we're partners right? You wouldn't kill me."

"I hate you." He spat.

"Ok, Kakuzu-san. If you don't let us go, we'll tell everyone you were on a date with the Kazekage!"

"If I kill you then you can't say anything about it."

"Old man has a point, un."

"Deidara, shut up! I told you, you're not helping!" I turned to Kakuzu. "If you let us go, I'll but you five teddy bears!" He thought about it.

"Ten and a computer."

"Six and a computer."

"Ten."

"Fine, eight and a computer and I'll teach you about Fanfiction."

"Deal." He let us go. "But not a word to anyone!"

"We promise!"

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><p>Phew. Finally done. This took forever! I think, this is one of the longest chapters. Was this kinda weird. I thought so. So the Tobi poll, 4 voted, he's okay, 2 said that they wuv him(I wonder who...) 1 hates him and 1 thinks he's annoying. I personally think that he's ok but really annoying. Next poll's about Kakuzu. Keep reading and reviewing. Bye!<p> 


	8. Stolen Puppets

Hi! This chapter was pretty hard to write. Why Sasori? Why do you have to be so hard to write? Anyways...read and review!

**Disclaimer: I Don't Own Naruto!**

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><p><strong>Stolen Puppet<strong>

**Don't steal Sasori's puppet, they are very hard to control, you'll just end up hurting yourself and other people.**

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><p>Sasori came out of his room. Perfect. Just what I needed. I went into the room of the puppet master to find...no puppets. I guess after I broke them twice, he decided to hide the in scrolls. Smart, but not smart enough! I think Hiruko can't fit in a scroll.<p>

How do you get in this thing? Through the top? Under, on the bottom? I pounded the top and still it wouldn't open.

"Stupid piece of wood!" I kicked it hard and the top sprang opened so fast it ripped its Akatsuki cloak. Oh shit, I can't ride in a naked puppet! Picking up Sasori's rug, I didn't even want to know what happened. Floral patterns. Really. Whatever, I threw that on the puppet. There, now Hiruko's a girl! I stepped in. Ooh buttons! I stopped myself from clicking a button. Sasori is a poison maniac, best not to touch it. Now, time to practice my hoarse, old man voice. "La" too high. "La" too medium. "La" good! Okay, now how do you move this thing? Maybe its that stick there. I jerked it to the left. Nothing happened. I jerked it to the right. Nothing happened. I nicely pushed it upwards. Again, nothing happened. I spinned it in circles. Move stupid thing move!(Really, what she was doing is moving the tail.) I got tired of this, with one last tug to the right I...broke it. No, no, no! I tried to stick it back in there. No such luck. Giving up, I looked at the rest of the control panel. Guess what, in the right side of the panel, in bright stickers said: moving stick thingie. Let see if this works. I moved it to the right. It whizzed me across the room. Bam! Hit the wall. Ok lets do this..slow...ly. I gently touched it and it flung me across the room. There was a knock. "Sasori no danna, are you ok, un?" No! Deidara! What should I do? Old man voice! "I'm fine...cough cough cough." I can't do this raspy voice. I'm too young for that.

"You don't sound ok."

"I'm cough, fine!"

"Do you want me to come in, un?"

"No. Cough cough wheeze cough."

"I'm coming anyways." No, I need to close the puppet! I tried to reach for it sitting down. Too short. I got up and slammed it down just as Deidara came in.

"How are you, un?"

"Fine." it was really dark in here, where's the light switch? Random button pressing time. Click click click. Oh found it! Now I can see outside too...I kinda...let off some poisonous senbon...Deidara looked really shocked and froze in that spot. I tried to move towards him but I did was hit the wall again and again. Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!

"Sasori no danna, are you sure you're ok, un?"

"I'm fine. This is a morning exercise." he didn't seem to believe me but nodded anyways.

"You're weird today. Whatever, un. I'm leaving." he left and I stayed a while to practice using this.

Ok, I got how to use this, now how to get through the door? The only option is to ram through it and hope I live. I moved the stick upwards and it took me to the wall away from the door! I think the controls are supposed to be opposite of where you're trying to go. Why does Sasori have to be such a smart ass and make this all so complicated. If I was the designer, I would change this whole program and make the stick less breakable. Now, I sped through the door. Breaking it to a million pieces. The people on the other were staring in wonder.

"What'cha all lookin' at?" I know that doesn't sound like something that Sasori would say. But let's just say that he's high on something today. Sadly, Kakuzu was one of the bystanders.

"Sasori! Do you know how much a door costs? Yada yada yada." I was going to run over him but forgot about the whole opposite thing now I'm speeding off to the other end of the hall. I abruptly stopped and crashed into Kakuzu, sending him flying across the hallway.

"Sasori, I will get you!" No you won't!

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><p>In the hallway, I bumped into Deidara, again.<p>

"Hey danna, un. Have you seen Kirina anywhere?"

"No."

"Really, un? Cause I haven't seen her all day."

"Brat, get out of my way before I kill you." I tried to move the tail and scare him but where's the button for that? Maybe its this one. I pressed a purple button and thousands of needles came out.

"Aah. Sasori no danna, I thought you said that you won't kill me yet!"

"Sor- I mean, I'm getting impatient so get out of my way!" Without another word, Deidara ran into his room and locked the door. What to do next? I just strolled around the base and in the kitchen where everyone was, I came face to face with the real Sasori. He looked surprised and opened his mouth to say something. But I was faster.

"There's a fake Sasori! Get him!" Almost instantly, everyone jumped and attacked him. I took this as my chance to run. I ran into the hallways. It wasn't long before Sasori caught up to me. He cornered me into a wall. I tried to push him away like I did Kakuzu but I crashed into the wall for what seemed to be the millionth time today.

"I got you now, impostor." the real Sasori growled.

"Let's see who you really are!" he went to the side and kicked it hard. So this is the only way to open this. The door opened to reveal...Tobi the good boy!(aka me under henge jutsu)

"Tobi!"

"...Tobi is a good boy. Sorry sempai."

"Tobi you will have to suffer a punishment!"

"Tobi knows, sempai."

"Sigh, I thought Kirina did this. Ok, Tobi, tomorrow you will pay Kakuzu's bill and help me clean and fix puppets for a month...no six months!"

"Hai, sempai!"

"Get out of my puppet now!" I jumped out and transformed back in my room. Poor Tobi, I'll buy him some candy later.

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><p>That wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be. I actually laughed while writing this! I hope you liked reading this as much as I did writing it. R&amp;R! Bye! Oh and four people voted that they wouldn't date Kakuzu(I wouldn't eitherXD) next poll is...you guessed it! Sasori! Bye(for real this time)<p> 


	9. National Konan Day

Hi! You know, Konan was really hard too! I couldn't think of an idea for her...T_T but the next chapter will be awesome. I promise!

**Disclaimer:I don't own Naruto.**

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><p><strong>National Konan Day<strong>

**Today is National Konan Day, all Konan fans Unite!**

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><p>On one hand, I have blue hair dye that I stole from Konan a year ago. On the other hand, I have <strong>more<strong> blue hair dye that Konan gave to me for Christmas. What should I do with these? I guess I should use this. I went into my bathroom and started applying it. _Bye Bye my beautiful brown hair._ What should I do with the other dye? Give it back to her, or give it to her lover? Hmm...lover it is!

Luckily, Pein was in his office. Konan was somewhere in this world just not here. I walked in without bothering to knock.

"Hey Pein, hey Pein, hey Pein!"

"That's leader-sama for you!"

"Hey Carrot, hey Carrot, hey Carrot!" leader looked reaaallly irritated.

"Kirina, call me carrot one more time and I'll fire you then give you to Hidan!" Nooo thank you!

"Hey...Carrot?"

"GRRR...KIRINA!" Deep breath. "I WILL F-ING FIRE YOU!"

"Ok, Ok. Sorry, Awesomely, brave and hot Leader-sama!" Most of the things I just said were fake. Leader is certainly not brave, the Akatsuki learned that a week ago. Konan said she heard some squeaking at night and she wanted Pein to 'take care of it'. Well Pein did take care of it, but not without wetting his pants and screaming "MOMMY!"

"What do you want, Kirina?"

"Do you know what today is?"

"Friday August 19th, 2011."

"No, I don't mean that! I mean what holiday is it?"

"National piercings day?"

"Uh, no. I'm pretty sure that's next week. Today is: National Konan Day!

"Really! I have to prepare!" So he does care about Konan! Why is he muttering piercings?

"Uh, Leader what are you preparing for, exactly?"

"Why, National Piercings day of course!" Sweat drop. That was way off.

"No! That can wait till next week. " I pushed him toward the bathroom. "What's important right now is preparing for today!"

"But I don't want to!" He whined.

"Nope! I will not take this crap! You will dye your hair blue for your girlfriend got it?"

"She's not my girlfriend! I'm single and lots of hot ladies like me!"

"Stop denying it! Hot ladies? More like fat mommas! In your dreams! Now here's the dye." I handed him the bottle and pushed him in the bathroom.

About ten minutes later he came out, hair blue and styled.

"Ok leader, I have four words for you: You look like Sonic!"

"Shinra-" I covered his mouths before he could finish.

"Don't you dare Shinra me! I will get Deidara to bomb you to death then Konan will paper cut you and after that Kisame will slice you into ribbons!"

"Are you threatening your leader?"

"Yes, now come along little one. We have paper flowers to make!"

"No! You're supposed to fold the corner like this!" We were trying to make paper flowers for our hair. Thank you, YouTube.

"Like this?" I banged my head on the table.

"No, leader, you're stupider than Tobi!"

"I GIVE UP! SHINRA-" I covered his mouth again.

"Patience, we'll get this right."

Finally, twenty minutes later, we were done. Outside, Konan was looking for Pein.._Is he in his office?...No. In his room?...no. Where could he be?_

They really, were in Konan's room ready to surprise her.

"I think I hear her footsteps." Pein whispered.

"She's coming!" Konan opened the door.

"Surprise!" She jumped back.

"Kirina? And...Pein? Or did Sonic somehow jump out of his video game?" I snickered.

"No, it's Pein."

"O...kay. What are you doing with a paper flower in your hair?"

"It's National Konan Day." I explained. "It's a whole day dedicated to you! So we are going to be just like you."

"That sounds...great." She went over to her desk and sat in a chair. We followed and sat on the same chai.

"Leader! Move your big butt! I'm trying to sit here!"

"I'm the Leader so I should get to sit!"

"Would you two stop fighting and get your own chairs?" We were silent and grabbed our chairs.

"Sorry, Konan-chan." She sighed and took some paper out. We both took a piece too. She made a complicated dinosaur. That was too hard for me, so I made a crane. All Leader got was a crumpled piece of paper. Konan got up and so did we. She went to the kitchen and ate. We did the same. She went to the bathroom and that pervert Pein, tried to follow too. Konan turned around and punched him. He went flying and hit the wall next to me.

"Leader, are you okay?"

"I don't know. If I die, tell Konan I love her."

"So...she is your girlfriend?"

"No!" At that point, Konan came out.

"I'm taking a nap."

"I'm taking a nap." I said.

"I'm taking a nap." Pein who somehow was fine right now, said.

We all headed into her room and laid down on her single bed, which was meant for one person, not three. Her bed cracked under the pressure.

"Ugh! You two, come with me!" She pulled us to the bathroom and started washing my hair, all the blue came off.

"Why is the color washing off?"

"This was a one day thing." She started on Pein but his color wouldn't wash off.

"Pein, where did you get this?"

"Kirina."

"Kirina, where did you getting this?" I prepared to run.

"I stole it a year ago." I ran.

"Kirina! Those are permanent!"

"Haha, leader's stuck as Sonic forever!"

"PAPER CUT!"

"SHINRA-TENSEI!" For the first time today, leader got to use his move.

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><p>Finished! The next is about Pein, and I'm sure you'll like it! Sasori poll: four said he was drunk and one said it was because of his parents. I'd say he was drunkXD. Next poll is Konan. Bye!<p> 


	10. They Were So Made For Each Other

Hey~ Finally an update. Sorry, I was at my grandma's for a few days. But hope you like this and check out my other stories too(especially the collab one...just sayin!)

**Disclaimer: I Don't Own Naruto. Do you? No? Ok, we're good.**

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><p><strong>They Were So Made For Each Oher<strong>

**Set Pein up on a date with Konan, surprisingly he agrees.**

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><p>Pein was getting old...Konan was too. They needed someone, a partner. I know deep down, somewhere in their hearts, they love each other but won't admit it. Someone needs to bring them together...and that someone is me. Evil grin.<p>

Konan wasn't busy today, which is perfect for me.

"Konan-chan!"

"Hi, Kirina. What do you need."

"What do you think of Leader?" She didn't answer for a loooonnnggg time. After five minutes, there was a blush on her face.

"Hello, Earth to Konan!" I waved my hands in front of her face. "Answer me!"

"Pein is just Pein." That's not the answer I want! I was thinking more like 'Oh Pein is so hot and sexy. He's so brave and fierce I love him! That's more like it. Sadly, Konan isn't the type to admit it.

"That's all you think about him." She nods.

"Really? Everything?" She was a little hesitant this time but nods anyways.

"Fine then. I'll see you later, Konan-chan." She nods and waves goodbye. Next stop: confronting carrot boy...scratch that, time to confront Smurf boy. Smurfs have blue hair...right?

I marched up to Leader like a soldier.

"Hey, Sonic-sama."

"Stop calling me that!"

"At least I add sama to it! Would you rather I call you Sonic-chan?"

"I much rather you call me Leader-sama!"

"Who cares about that. Anyways, Sonic-chan, what do you think about Konan."

"What do you mean? She's a good helper." Not what you think about her at work, love! You dim-witted ex-carrot!

"I meant, do you like-like her?"

"Like-like?"

"Like do you like-like her?"

"Like do I like like-like her?"

"Like do you like like-like her in a like-like way?"

"Like do I like her in a like-like way because I like- like her in a like-like way, so you're asking if I like-"

"STOP!" I took a deep breath. "Just answer the damn question, Smurfey. Do you like Konan in a way other than as a friend?"

"So you're asking if I like-like Konan in a way other-"

"STOP WITH THE GAMES! YES, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I ASKED!"

"Well then...I don't know.."

"Aha! I knew it! You do like pink-haired girls! Just like Sonic and what's her name? Amy or something! You're gonna end up with that Haruno girl, aren't you?"

"I-"

"So you admit it too! Wait till I tell Konan this!"

"But-" I took this chance to escape.

I was back in the safety of my room. _So they won't admit their undying love for each other...time for another method in a segment I call, set up date!_

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><p>I met Konan in the kitchen.<p>

"Hi!"

"Kirina, you again? Do you have any other weird questions to ask me again?" I shook my head indicating no.

"I have an order this time."

"From who?"

"Leader. He told me to inform you that he wants to meet you at the I Don't Remember the Name Steakhouse at seven tonight." She blushed and nodded, dismissing me.

I searched for Pein and found him in his room, naturally.

"Hey Sonic."

"Stop calling me that."

"I have a message from Konan." He immediately perked up.

"What does she want?"

"She wants to meet you at the I Don't Remember The Name Steakhouse at Seven." His eyes widened and he started running around.

"Oh my god, Konan wants to meet me! What should I do? What should I wear? What should I bring?"

"Woah! Calm down there hedgehog. I can help you." I gave him my best evilly-sweet smile.

"Really? This is my first time going out with a girl."

"I thought you had many hot girls going after ya."

"|Forget that. They ain't real girls anyways." Not real girls? What were they fake girls? I'm not even gonna ask...

"I charge a small fee for my services." His face fell.

"How much?" I held up one finger.

"One hundred? Okay!" I shook my head.

"A little more than that. Just a little."

"One thousand?"

"Add five more zeroes after it."

"One million! Isn't that a little too much?"

"You can do it in five easy payments of two hundred thousand dollars a month!" Pein had tears running down his face. He was also muttering something about greedy kids these days. I swear, that boy is becoming Kakuzu more and more each day.

"First step: smell. You smell worst than Hidan's room! Fix it!"

"How?"

"I recommend Kisame." He took off without another word. I took this as a chance to install some cameras on my victims clothes...

I returned to his room the same time he did.

"How do I smell?" I took a whiff. I think a part of me just died right there. Worst. Smell. EVER! But I managed a small smile.

"It smells great! What's it called?"

"He calls it dead fish of the sea. Said to knock all women off their feet." I'm sure it'll live up to it's name.

"Okay, give me one second." I disappeared to grab a nose plug and two members. When I returned even the other two members couldn't stand it.

"What the hell is this smell, un?" said...guess who. Even the usual stoic Uchiha lost his cool and started gagging.

"Doesn't this just smell great?" Leader exclaimed. I kicked them both to remind them not to piss leader off.

"It smells...fantastic, un. Love it." Itachi nodded in agreement.

"Just excuse us for a second, Leader." Itachi said and grabbed Deidara. They came back with noseplugs and a gas mask. Weirdly, Leader didn't notice their unique choice of accessory at all.

"Hey, I want one too!" They shrugged.

"What's the next step?"

"Hair." I replied. "Which is why, I've brought Akatsuki's finest hairstylists." The two nodded.

"Okay boys, get to work. I want his hair smoothed down, no more spiky carrot." They nodded and got to work.

After a few hours, they were finished. I looked at their creation, perfect.

"You two may go now. Thanks!" They left. On second thought..."Hey! Give me a gas mask!" Deidara tossed me his. "Thanks." I turned to Pein.

"Next: clothing. You need to wear proper attire for a dinner date. No cloak, no ninja shoes and **absolutely no piercings!"** He pouted.

"Dammit." He whispered. I took the suit out that I had **prepared** earlier.

"Wear this, take your piercings off and change your shoes. Then, we'll move onto the final part." He nods and got changed.

I knock on his door hard.

"Hey! Smurf boy! Does it take you that long to take your piercings off?" He opened the door, piercing less. I pushed him back in.

"You look better with them on." He instantly brightened up. This time it didn't take him forever.

"Final part: questions. Do you have any questions to ask me before you leave." He nods.

"Should I bring money?"

"The answer to that is...yes?" He nods, taking notes on a notepad.

"Do you think Konan likes my tie?"

"It's blue, I'm sure she does." Nod again, more notes.

"Finally, is Orochimaru gay?"

"Hell yes!" Furious scribbling on notepad.

"Okay, I'm ready."

"Good. Now apprentice, get out there and knock yourself out!" Pein walked out the door and...knocked himself out. I facepalmed and walked over to help him up.

**Seven P.M**

"Akatsuki! Akatsuki! Gather around the living room for awesome entertainment!" I shouted. The others started filing in.

"What the f- are you shouting about bitch?"

"Our beloved lovebirds are on a date."

"You mean Carrot top and blue girl?" I nodded. In front of me was my laptop with the screen split in half, one showing Konan's point of view and the other, Pein's. They both sat down at their table.

"So what do you want to see me for?" They ask at the same time. Then realization hit them.

"We're being set up, aren't we?" Konan is such a smart girl. The Akatsuki's eyes were glued to the small computer screen.

"I think so." Pein answers.

"What should we do now?"

"Since we're here, might as well go along with it!" Konan blushes and nods. They talk for a while then their food arrives. Nothing special happens now so we all grabbed some snacks and continued watching our little couple. It wasn't near the end till something interesting happens. Those two drank a few cups.

"You know Konan, I always thought that you had the prettiest smile in the whole world." Konan giggles.

"I thought that you looked really sexy with all those piercings." The Akatsuki burst out laughing. Even Itachi had a smirk on his face.

Pein leans in, Konan leans in. Pein leans in a little more, Konan leans a little more. Then...Pein trips! I was laughing till my sides hurt. But then both screens became really fuzzy. Aww, that rotten carrot broke my camera!

"Dammit!" We all shouted.

"Did Leader-sama and Konan-chan ever kiss?" Tobi asked.

"Tobi, to be honest I don't know. I really don't know.

Those two didn't come back for hours...I wonder why...and when they did, they found all the members passed out in the living room and a laptop with recorded footage of their date night.

"AKATSUKI GET UP!" Pein roared. Busted! Better luck next time!

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><p>PEINXKONAN FOREVER! I love that pairing! 5 people would dye their hair blue and one found it weird. I think it's weirdly awesome! I would so do it! Pein's poll is next! Reviews are appreciated! Bye!<p> 


	11. I Thought This Game Was Fun!

I feel really lazy lately. School starts in three days, ugh. But hopefully, updates will be more normal then. I got the idea for this chapter from JD:) even though that was a long time ago, thanks anyway!

**Disclaimer: If I own Naruto, I'd be rich. Sadly, I'm not rich nor do I own Naruto:(**

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><p><strong>I Thought This Game Was Supposed To Be Fun!<strong>

**Bored in Akatsuki? Just remember to stay away from Truth or Dare!**

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><p>I am really starting to hate Sundays. No missions equal nothing to do. The hyper pumpkin burst into my room.<p>

"Tobi, there's this thing called knocking!"

"Kirina-chan, what's knocking?"

"It's where you walk up to a closed door and hit it like this." I showed him how to knock.

"Oh! Tobi gets it! Tobi wants to try." He went outside and closed my door. **Bam Bam Bam!** Yep, he knocked alright. He knocked so hard that my door broke in half! What will Kakuzu say about this?

"Kirina-chan, is Tobi a good boy? Did Tobi knock?"

"Yeah Tobi, you knocked." I paused before getting ready to yell at him. "Baka!Why did you knock so-"

"Yay! Tobi is a good boy! Now Tobi will try knocking on other doors!" He left before I could stop him.

"Wait! Tobi!" I had no choice but to follow him. Cue sweatdrop.

It was horrible. Horrible, I tell you! Tobi knocked on **every single door.** Literally. Including the entrance. In other words, he **broke **every single door. He knocked on bathroom doors, bedroom doors, Cabinet doors, refrigerator doors, you name it, he knocked it! He knocked on a bathroom door revealing a showering Hidan.

"Aaah, what the f- are you bitches doing!" He tried to cover himself.

"Holy shit! My eyes! I am blinded forever." the images would leave.

"Wahh! Tobi is sorry! Tobi will leave now!" After that incident, Tobi continued on his quest with knocking. We met many screaming, cursing members and some other stuff. Finally Kakuzu got him.

"Tobi! What the hell are you doing? Do you know how much doors cost? The prices went up .329 cents yesterday!" Don't tell me...he watches the price on doors?

"Sorry, Kakuzu-sempai, Tobi will pay you .329 cents for the doors."

".329 times 75 doors! Each door is 34 dollars plus .329 each times 75 totals to...$2574.675!" Tobi fainted from number overload.

"That will be taken out of his next paycheck..." Kakuzu mumbled. I sighed and dragged Tobi towards his partner's room.

"Dei-kun, I have a special delivery for you!"

"Is it a new door, un?"

"No. Something better! I got you the person who broke the door!"

"Let me at him, un!"

"Wait...I need payment first!"

"Er..how bout a kiss on the cheek, un." That doesn't sound so bad...but I'm really greedy!

"How about a kiss on the cheek, a hug and $5?"

"Whatever."

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes, un." He came over, paid me $5, pecked my cheek and hugged me.

"Okay, I'll see you later, Dei-kun." Poor Tobi, I always give him trouble.

It wasn't until the middle of the afternoon when Tobi annoyed me again.

"Kirina-chan, Kirina-chan, are you bored?"

"**Very!**"

"Wanna play a game?" One game couldn't hurt...could it?

"Okay, what game?"

"Join the other sempai's first!" He led me to the living room where everyone except Konan and Pein, gathered. Impressive, he managed to get them all together. I sat between Deidara and Itachi...a fight would break out between the two if I didn't sit here.

Tobi came back dragging a bored Pein and a 'I don't really care about this' Konan with him.

"Okay, let's play our game now!"

"What game is it, pumpkin boy?" Kisame asked.

"Eh hem, TRUTH OR DARE AKATSUKI STYLE!" Groans were heard from various members.

"I don't want to play this shitty game!" Hidan complained.

"This is a child's game!" Pein yelled.

"YOU WILL ALL PLAY!" Tobi commanded, menace dripping from his voice. His eyes turned a mysterious red and Itachi shifted uncomfortably next to me...

Nobody said anything after the outburst...

"Okay then! Tobi will start! Kirina-chan, truth or dare?"

"Um..dare!"

"I dare Deidara-sempai and Itachi-sempai to kiss your cheeks!"

"Tobi...you're daring me not them."

"MY GAME MY RULES!" The two obeyed. I was blushing madly after that...

"My turn, Konan truth or dare?"

"Truth." Perfect...

"Did you and Leader-sama kiss on your first date?" Snickers were heard throughout the circle.

"..."

"You have to answer!"

"Yes." A few immature members laughed...including me. The others sat still and tried to hide their chuckles.

"Itachi, truth or dare?"

"...dare." Konan grinned evilly.

"I dare you to smile." Itachi did nothing.

"Kirina, help him."

"How?"

"I dunno, tickle him or stretch his mouth." I tried tickling, the other members watched in amusement.

"This doesn't work!"

"Try the second way." I pulled the corners of his lips up.

"Wait one second." I got up and took some tape. Using it, I taped his smile together.

"All good. Okay Itachi-san it's your turn." He mumbled something.

"Right...you can't talk." I ripped the tape off. He winced at the pain.

"Sorry."

"Kisame, truth or dare?"

"Heh, I'm not as stupid as you all who chose dare. I choose truth."

"Is your mom a shark or your dad?" I didn't know Itachi was interested in that. I'm a little curious too...

"..."

"Kisame-san has to answer!" Tobi ordered.

"IT'S MY MOM, OKAY! MY MOTHER WAS A SHARK." He put his face in his hands and sobbed uncontrollably.

"Kisame-nii, it's okay. You should stop crying before we have a flood in here." I tried to comfort him.

"Okay." Just like that, he was fine.

"Hidan."

"Gimme a f-ing dare!"

"Okay then...I dare you to prance around in a pink tu-tu!"

"Where the f- do I find a pink tu-tu?"

"Tobi has one!" Why does Tobi have a tu-tu, the world may never know! Hidan put it on. He looked like an obese ballerina! He started prancing.

"Prance, prance, prance. Okay, I'm f-ing done." He sat down again. "Kakuzu, your turn."

"Truth."

"Dammit! How much money do you have?" I could tell, Kakuzu didn't want to answer.

"$1"

"You f-ing liar! Tell the f-ing truth or I'll take all of it!"

"Okay, Okay! $9, 657, 832, 569." My eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

"Deidara, truth or dare?"

"Zetsu, truth or dare?"

"Dare...no truth!"

"Dare!"

"Truth!"

"I want dare!" Oh boy, another Zetsu-Zetsu argument. In the ended they chose dare.

"I dare you to eat a bowl of salad."

"Nooo! We are not cannibal."

"You have to!" Tobi magically produced a bowl of salad.

"Here you go, Zetsu-san." Zetsu reluctantly took the bowl and ate it.

"I'm sorry lettuce. Sorry, tomatoe. I will eat you CHICKEN!"

"Um, Zetsu, it's your turn."

"Oh, right. Deidara."

"Truth, un!" I guess he didn't want to choose dare because Zetsu would most likely dare him to let them chew his arm off.

"Are you a girl?" Deidara face-palmed.

". NOT. UN!"

"Sasori no danna, truth or dare, un?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to admit that my art is better, un!" Sasori's eyes widened.

"No way, brat."

"Ya have too, un."

"Your...better...mine..."

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that, un."

"YOURARTISBETTERTHANMINE!"

"Okay, un."

"Leader! Truth or dare!" Ooh, Sasori was mad!

"I choose...dare."

"I DARE YOU TOO KISS KONAN IN FRONT OF US!"

"Oooh." Pein slowly inched next Konan..they were face to face...leader is too slow...Tobi pushed Pein's face right into Konan's. Ouch, that looked like it hurt. Pein sat back in his spot.

"Tobi, truth or dare?"

"Tobi chooses dare!"

"I dare you to take your mask off!" Everyone was interested in that. Quickly we all huddled in front of said masked boy.

"Okay...Tobi is a good boy...Tobi will..." He put his hand under his mask, lifted then...darkness.

* * *

><p>'<strong>Tobi' POV<strong>

Ten bodies fell to the floor, unconscious.

"Mwahahaha, you all think that you can see my real awesome sexy face? Mwahahaha, you are wrong! Face the wrath of the Sharingan! Mwahahahaha." In the end, nobody knew who Tobi really was. The next morning, nobody remembered what had happened the day before. All they knew was, they were gathered together in the living room, Hidan was in a pink tu-tu and there were broken doors. Lots of broken doors.

-**Part One End-**

* * *

><p>In the end, nobody knew who Tobi was...to bad! I split this story into three parts and part one just ended! Part two will be themed on...fairytales! Hope you like that!<p>

3 people loves PeinxKonan and one thinks its okay. Like I said before, I love it! Another poll will be up about the entire Akatsuki. Bye!


	12. Zetsu as the Beanstalk

**Zetsu as the Beanstalk**

First day of school and I already have homework and a project-_-" great. But I'm gonna procrastinate for a while and type this instead! So if I get and F on all my work I know what to blame! JK...anyways, this is the start of part two!

**Disclaimer: This is the last disclaimer! I don't and never will own Naruto:(**

* * *

><p>Once upon a time-<p>

"Said our lovely narrator, Kirina."

"Baka! Kisame, we're are the **narrators. **Therefore, we narrate and you won't need to say all that 'said' stuff with me!"

"But I wanna!"

"No buts. I'm also director here so I'm the boss of you!"

"Fine...meanie."

"Okay, let me continue."

Once upon a time, there was a poor family of two, Jack and his Mother, Pein. _Pein enters stage dressed with an apron and cloth around head. In a motherly voice he speaks:_

"Jack, would you please take our cow...Betsy, and sell it at the town."

_Enters Jack with a orange mask._

"But why mommy?" He says. "Betsy is a good boy."

"Betsy is a girl, child." His mother corrects.

"But Betsy is a good moo-moo!"

"We are poor, if you still want to eat that ridiculous baby food of yours, sell it." _Enters cow._

…..._silence._

"Psst, Kakuzu! You have to go 'moo'!" said cow faces girl narrator.

"No way in hell!"

"Come on, I'm director here."

"Moo."

"Come on, give more...emotion!"

"Moo~"

"Reminder: you are a girl cow."

"Moo3"

"Perfect!" I gave him a thumbs up.

"On with the story." Blue boy begins to narrate.

So the boy takes cow to town they sell it. Boys take beans, grow it...the end.

"Kisame...you suck at storytelling."

"No! I'm the best at that."

"You just ruined the ending for everyone. I'll take over."

"You have no taste in narrators and good storytelling!"

"No, I really do not."

The saddened boy takes his beloved Betsy the cow to town. On the way he meets a blonde old lady.

"Man! Old man, un!"

"Okay, okay."

The boy meets an old man on the way.

"Hello, little boy, un. Are you selling that fat cow of yours?"

"Yep! This is Kaku-Betsy. Tob-Jack needs to sell it to town!"

"Well, I have an offer for you, un. You see, in my hands I have these magic beans. I will trade you three magic beans for your Kaku-Bestsy, un. We have a deal?" In his hands were three black and white beans.

"Ooh, magic? But Jack can't. Jack needs to sell Betsy to town."

"Why, my name is town, un."

"I thought you were sempai!"

"Tob-Jack! I am town, un. Got that?"

"Okay! Jack will trade fat cow for beans!"

"Here." Town threw the beans to Jack.

"Thank you sempai! I mean...thank you town!" A happy and satisfied Jack skipped back home, anxious to show his mother the new beans.

"Mommy Pein! I traded Betsy to town!"

"That's wonderful darling! What did you trade her for?" Mother Pein spoke in a fake motherly voice.

"These!" He held out the beans for his mother to see.

"Why you stupid a...boy! I told you to sell it and you bring back beans!"

"But they're magic beans."

"Magic beans my behind! No dinner for you boy!"

"But I sold them to town!"

"Who in town! When I find out who it is I will shinra tensei his house!"

"I sold it to a man named town!"

"A man! You got tricked! Go to your room now!"

That night the hungry boy sat on his bed.

"Stupid beans. You're not magic! Now Jack is hungry. Beans are not a good boy. Die!" He threw the beans out the window. The poor boy slowly fell asleep after that. Little did they know, the beans were indeed magic.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Jack woke up, but it was still dark outside.<p>

"Hey, who turned off the light?" He walked over to his window and right there, covering his sunlight, was a giant plant.

"Ahhh! It's Frankenstein!"

"No! We are Zetsu...the beanstalk."

"It's alive! The plant is alive and it talks!"

"We are Zetsu! Not plant!"

"Oh, okay." The boy ran to his mother's room.

"Mommy Pein, the beans are magical! They're alive!"

"Sure they are. Why don't you invite them in for some tea?"

"Okay." Jack ran back to his room. "Would you like to come in for some tea?"

"We do not like tea and prefer to stat outside."

"Okay, Jack will come outside with you." He jumped out of his window.

"You know, Zetsu-san, you are awfully tall. Can I climb you?"

"Of course not, childish boy!" The narrator/director cleared her throat.

"Okay, fine. Yes you may climb.

"Yay!" He climbed and climbed then stood on top of his venus flytrap head.

"Er, Zetsu, can you grow a little taller? Jack can't reach the castle."

"Why don't you grow a little taller?" The plant growled.

"Can we get some help here." Said the director. Two workers enter the stage with a ladder.

"Put it on his head. Okay, Jack, climb." Jack climbed up and up the ladder until he reached the top. In front of him was the castle that belonged to the giant and his wife.

"Ooh, big house, Jack wants to go!" Jack runs into the house and meets the giant's wife, Konan.

"Little boy, what are you doing here?"

"Wah! Konan-chan is so big."

"That's just a jutsu I used. Ignore it."

"Oh, Giant-chan can continue now."

"What are you doing here? If my husband finds out, he will eat you!"

"Eat me? Jack wants to eat meat too!"

"You must be hungry, here's some food." Jack began chewing on the giant loaf of bread that the giant's wife gave him. A little while later, the floor started shaking.

"Fee, Fie, Ho, Hum. I smell...I smell...chicken! Blood too." _Enters, the giant!_

The giant's wife hears her husband.

"Quick boy, hide in the cupboard!" The giant walks into his house.

"Wait, wait, wait. He's my husband?" The giant's wife interrupts.

"Oh, blue haired bitch is my wife! This doesn't see m so bad now."

"Kirina! Why?" Said director shrugged.

"Sorry, I didn't do casting this time."

"Then who? I will give them the paper cut of life!"

"I don't know. I found this paper on my desk with the cast, so sorry."

"Fine, I'll live."

"I OBJECT!" _Enters Mommy Pein with makeup half done and wearing carrot boxers._

"I don't agree to this! Why does the religious asshole get the girl and I don't!"

"Uh, because you are a girl in this!"

"Well I quit!"

"Sorry you signed the contract."

"What contract?" I held up a piece of paper.

"You signed it last night after you had that sake bottle."

"Why you- Hidan, I will kill you!"

"Hey, do I have permission to knock him out?"

"Sure." The giant took his giant bat, not scythe! He bonked the PMSing mother, successfully knocking her out.

"You guys continue."

"Woman! Fetch me my magical chicken." _Enters Itachi in a chicken suit._

"Here's your chicken."

"Hn."

"Hey, look here...chicken goes cluck not hn, got that? Geez, you criminals need to learn about animal sounds." The narrator/director rants.

"Cluck."

"Lemme show you what my chicken can do, he poops..." Three colorful egg like things pop out. "Dango." The giant finished. Yes, the giant has a magical, dango-pooping chicken.

"Now chicken, give me some food!"

After a long time, the giant fell asleep. Jack slowly crept out of the cupboard and stepped out. He took a long look at the chicken before taking it home with him.

"Okay, chicken be a good boy and be quiet."

"Hn." Jack went back to the ladder/Zetsu.

"Okay, chicken goes first!" He threw the chicken down to the ground then climbed down the ladder.

"Hi Zetsu! Look what I brought, a magic chicken!"

"They got to you too, eh Itachi-san?"

"Hn."

"Come on, chicken. Jack will show you your new home!" Jack led to chicken inside and showed his mother...but his mother was fast asleep on her bed.

"Oh, Mommy Pein can't see. Too bad." That night, Jack filled himself up with dango and had a great night's sleep.

* * *

><p>The following morning, Jack climbed up Zetsu again.<p>

"Hi, Lady-Giant-sama!"

"You again? Here's more food." She handed him more bread. He ate in silence. The thundering steps of the giant were heard again.

"Fee, Fie, Ho, Hum. I smell pie and chicken and grapes and...blood!" Without needing to be told, Jack hid in the cupboard once more.

"Hey, woman. What's for dinner?"

"I OBJECT!"

"F- no. Again?" Yet again, the PMSing mother invaded the giant's house. The giant's swung his bat and hit the mom square in the face. Knocked out once more.

"Anyways, wifey, bring me my special harp." _Enters Sasori as 'harp'._

"Here it is."

"Let me tell you wifey, my harp looks like a puppets and plays the best songs using chakra strings." He ordered the harp to play, and it did..the harp was certainly not the best musician out there. He played horribly out of tune and a few of his strings broke too.

"Hey! I won a Grammy for this piece, ya know!"

Yeah, sure, keep believin that puppet boy!

The harp played until the giant fell asleep and Jack came out of the cupboard once again.

"Jack will take harp and win lots of Grammy's!" He stole the harp and just when he was about to exit, the giant woke up.

"Hey! Where the f- is my music?" The giant spotted Jack by the door.

"Oi! You harp stealing boy! Get your ass back here!" The giant stood up and chased after Jack. Jack was faster, he ran and ran till he got to Zetsu then threw the harp down and climbed down.

"Hurry Zetsu! Move over."

"Why?"

"Because the fat giant, Hidan is coming!"

"No! Not him!"Zetsu disappeared under ground.

"I WILL GET YOU BOY!" Hidan came down on the spot where Zetsu was supposed to be, instead, falling into the hole Zetsu disappeared in, trapping him forever.

"Yay! Scary giant is gone!"

Jack and his mother won many Grammys from the harp and have their own dango stand. They were very rich and lived happily ever after.

The End.

* * *

><p>"Kisame, it's finished." The narrator sulked in the corner.<p>

"Come on, you're still mad about that?" No answer. "What do you want me to do to make you talk again?"

"Admit that my storytelling skills are better than yours."

"Fine, your storytelling skills are awesome."

"Okay, I'm good."

"But you still suck."

"Aww." Kisame sulks in his corner again.

* * *

><p>Okay, what'd you think about this? I hope it was okay.<p>

Like my other story, Unexpected, Kisame still sucks at storytelling. I don't think that he's gonna improve anytime soon either.

I'm keeping the same poll as last time for a while, but for part two the polls will be some random stuff about Naruto and not always Akatsuki-centered. So...yeah. Review! Bye!


	13. Hidan's New Clothes

**Hidan's New Clothes**

Hn, hn, hnnn, hn.

"Uh, Itachi-san, the audience doesn't understand your…unique choice of language." The puppet tried to find the right words to explain the situation without getting himself killed.

"Ah, I'm sorry Sasori-san."

"We can start now."

Once upon a time, hn. In the town of….Jashin, hn?

"Now you sound like that brat!" A slightly embarrassed Itachi continued the story.

In the town of Jashin, there lived an emperor named Hidan. He was ruler of the whole kingdom. There is only one thing that is important to him: his looks.

His appearance was more important than his town. There could be a war going on and he could still be in his castle doing his hair while millions of soldiers are risking their lives, trying to save the town. In other words, he doesn't really care about his town and the villagers don't care about him. No one dares defy the great emperor though. Doing so would be an instant death sentence.

On this particularly warm summer day, the emperor was seated in his throne waiting for two of the finest tailors in the small town of Jashin.

"What's taking those bitches so long? I need my f***ing new clothes!"

"They'll be here any minute now, your majesty." Whispered his minister, Zetsu.

"Well they better be or I'll chop your f***ing plant head off!" The poor plant backed away from his master's threat. "Ay, is there like a queen here. I wouldn't mind going with that blue haired bitch again."

"KONAN IS MINE!" And yet again, Mr. Jealous Carrot Top crashes on to stage and tried to attack our emperor. Just like last time, Hidan somehow gets a bat and knocks down poor Pein.

"Security, take that guy out please." Two muscular guys step on stage and dragged him out by his leg.

"Your majesty, the tailors have arrived."

"About time! Those assholes." Hidan impatiently tapped his foot while waiting for the two tailors to go through the front gates and arrive before him.

Two men entered. One who wore a mask, the older one, and the younger one with blonde hair. They bowed down to the emperor.

"Your majesty."

"Finally! You two are here! What the f*** took you so long!" The older man bowed.

"We're deeply sorry your majesty, Deidara here got distracted by something."

"You have a very nice building here, un."

"Of course! This castle here was made from the finest materials imported from….somewhere." Hidan 'boasted'.

"It looks great and all, un. But it would be better if some bombs-" At the mention of the word bombs, Kakuzu quickly covered his partner's big mouth. Sadly, for some odd reason, the blonde's hand mouths started talking.

"If some bombs were to bomb it into pieces."

"Un." Finished his left hand. Emperor Hidan turned a very ugly shade of red and purple.

"You. Want. To. Bomb. MY F***ING CASTLE!" Kakuzu nervously laughed.

"Hidan, you know him. He just likes to joke around."

"No! I don't f***ing know him! I've never even met you two!" Looks like Hidan got a little **too **in character.

"Now go make my new clothes or I'll f***ing get you beheaded!" The two scurried away quickly.

* * *

><p>"Don't get why we have to do this, un." Said Deidara, trying to untangle a bunch of gold thread.<p>

"We could earn boatloads of money! You can buy all the clay you want." Deidara thought about it for a while.

"That doesn't sound so bad, un. What are you doing with your money, Kakuzu-san?"

"I…have my own uses. Now shut up and keep untangling!" Kakuzu ordered as he stuffed feet after feet of golden thread into a bag. Suddenly, our beloved hyper masked boy burst through the door of the tailor's room. Apparently, Tobi didn't learn much from the lesson of knocking, ne?

"Hiii! Hidan-sama told Tobi to check up on how you are doing!" Deidara disappeared into the bathroom at the sight of the annoying color of orange.

"Does sempai not want to see Tobi?"

"No, your sempai has some 'business' to attend to."

"I heard that, un!"

"Ohh, sempai is doing number two?" Kakuzu sweat dropped.

"Whatever Tobi, just whatever Tobi."

"So how is your clothes for Hidan-sama doing."

"Going quite nicely. Here is our design." He moved his hands toward the empty table. Tobi scratched his head in a very confused manner.

"What? Tobi doesn't see it."

"Why, of course you don't! Only the smartest of people can see the beautiful design. See here, we used top quality gold thread to make the collar. Over here we used this season's most in color: pink."

"Oh. Tobi must be stupid then! But Tobi will tell Hidan-sama that his new robe looks very nice! Bye Kakuzu-san! Bye bye sempai!" Tobi left to report his observations to the emperor.

"Phew! That was close, un." Kakuzu nodded.

"What are we gonna do about the robe, un? We haven't even started."

"Just go along with my plan. You continue untangling those. I have some errands to do."

"What if someone comes and checks on us, un."

"Lie." Kakuzu sure was helpful. He left to do his errands, leaving Deidara alone with his work.

Sure enough, after a few hours another one of Hidan's minions came to check.

"Hey, Dei-dei!" Kirina stepped into his work room.

"Kirina! What are you doing here, un?"

"Being narrator is way too boring! I came to check up on you. Where is the new robe?" Deidara started sweating.

"Uh…you see..it's.." He stuttered. Kirina raised her eyebrows. She knew something was up.

"Well?" Deidara decided to go along with Kakuzu's original plan.

"Right here, un." He gestured to the robe that was 'supposedly' on the work table.

"Where?"

"Ah, it figures. Of course you can't see it, un. Only the most beautiful can see it." Kirina growled disapprovingly.

"Are you calling me ugly?" Deidara gulped, he knew he had said something wrong.

"Let me rephrase that, un."

"Please do." She smiled 'sweetly' at him.

"What I meant was, only the beautiful…guys could see it."

"Sexist jerk!" She ran at him with a sword. He swiftly dodged.

"Kirina-chan, I'll explain this later, un!"

"You can explain in hell!" She charged at him again.

"Don't you have to report to Hidan?" She paused.

"Oh right." She glared at him. "You got lucky this time!"

After two more long hours, the old man finally returned.

"What took you so long, un! Lost your cane and can't walk back!"

"Shut up! Did anything happen while I was gone?"

"Yeah! I almost got killed by my girlfriend, un!" Kakuzu merely chuckled.

"Serves you right. It's almost time to present the robe." Zetsu came in a moment later with a scroll in his hand.

"The great emperor Hidan would like the two tailors, Kakuzu and Deidara, to present his new robe to him at this moment. He would like to pay you for all your hard work with ten million dollars and…Tobi. Please report to the royal dressing room with your new creation." Both designers got ready and took their robe to present to the emperor.

* * *

><p>"Here it is, your majesty."<p>

"Here's what?"

"Your new robe, un."

"I don't see a f***ing thing!"

"You have to be the smartest of all people to see it."

"And the most beautiful of all men, un." Kakuzu glanced at him, that was not included in their act. Hidan blinked for a second. Before looking surprised.

"Oh! Of course I see it! After all, I am smartest and sexiest!" Kakuzu smirked, he knew Hidan would fall for this.

"Emperor, could you please take your clothes off and try this new robe on." So he did. They put the robe on him and buttoned it.

"Doesn't it look wonderful?"

"Absolutely magnificent, un."

"Zetsu! What do you think?" Hidan asked.

"Ah…."

"Well, I don't blame you for not seeing it, after all, you aren't my smartest."

"No, your majesty. What I meant to say was amazing. Ah-mazing!" Hidan smirked.

"Very well, let's go and show this town some fashion! Prepare the royal car!" Guards rushed about. Preparing for the emperor's visit. Meanwhile, our two tailors suspiciously walked out the back carrying their money, Tobi, and a large bag with them. Trailing gold thread behind.

The emperor proudly stood with his new robe on. The townsmen, not wanting to die, pretended that the emperor was wearing a very beautiful piece of garment.

"Wow, look at all the colors!"

"Such nice fabric."

"It fits his figure greatly." The emperor smiled at all the compliments about him and his new robe. That is until…a young boy, not much older than five who resembled a shark made a comment.

"But he isn't wearing anything!" Everything stopped at once. People gasped and started whispering about the courageous little boy who dared comment about the emperor like that. The boy's father covered his son's mouth.

"Kisame, don't say things like that!"

"Mut nhe izz! (But he is!)"

"He is still emperor, do you want to live?" The small boy nodded. In the middle of all this, Hidan was fuming inside. But he acted coolly towards all this.

"Little kid doesn't know about fashion. I shall returned to my castle."

Back at the castle, Hidan had every guard search for the two tailors. People frantically ran about, searching, in fear that their master would kill them if they don't find them.

"Sir, I think they left." The guard held up a bunch of gold thread. "We found this at the back exit." Hidan was very furious, furious indeed.

"I want a search through all of the kingdom. The person who finds them will be awarded ten thousand dollars. I want them F***ING DEAD!" Thus, the search that spanned over ten years came to no result. The two tailors disguised themselves and lived happily ever after. The end.

The moral of this story is: Never trust Kakuzu with anything related to money. Remember that kids and keep your money safely with you!

* * *

><p>I haven't updated in a while…over a week…that's really long for me. SorryT_T.<p>

In this chapter, I have changed it a little from the original story. And yes, Deidara's hand mouths can talk! Just kidding! I don't think they can…can they?

As you can see, there isn't a disclaimer anymore. Because I AM SICK OF IT! Also, I'm sure that you all get the idea that I don't own Naruto and never will anyway.

Now about the poll! Favorite Akatsuki members, four for Itachi! Yay! Three Deidara! Yay! Two for Konan and Sasori! One for Tobi, Hidan, and Kakuzu. My favorite is Itachi and Deidara. The next poll is: what will Kakuzu do with the money he stolen? Please vote and review! Bye!


	14. Deipunzel

**Deipunzel**

I updated I finally get to bring my school laptop home, so updates will be more frequent! Yay! Party!...No there will be no party, whatsoever. **You will read my** **story and you will review**. Then we'll party!

* * *

><p>Once upon a time there lived a lovely couple. The mighty and strong Pein and his lovely wife, Konan.<p>

"YES! FINALLY! I'm WITH KONAN!" His wife kicked him.

"That wasn't in the script! Sit down!"

"Yes mother. I meant, wifey!" He had on a perverted grin. Which earned him a smack across the face.

"Ow! Why are you so mean?"

Across from their little cottage lies the castle of an evil witch. The witch had a very beautiful garden outside her house. Everyday, Konan would look outside the round, blue window at the carrots. She longed to eat those delicious carrots. Longing, and longing everyday. Soon, she became very weak. The poor angel can barely walk. Pein, who loved his wife dearly,

"YES I DO VERY MUCH!"

Who loved his wife very much and dearly,

"YES I LOVE HER VERY MUCH! MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD!"

"I THINK WE GET THE POINT!" The frustrated narrator yelled. The narrator would like to tell Pein that he will not be paired with Konan next time and that he will be eaten by the other narrator who, by the way, is very hungry at the moment.

"**Yes. Our stomach is growling. Delicious carrot-top."**

….Silence….And now a word from our sponsor!

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"

….We now return to the program…

Who loved his wife more than anything in the world, he really does. The man couldn't bear to see his beloved wife suffer any longer. So one day, Pein snuck into the witch's garden and dug out two perfect carrots. He took them home to show Konan. When she saw the carrots her face instantly lit up.

"Carrots! How?"

"I got them for you."

"Thank you!" She flung her arms around his neck.

"Anything for you. Now, do I get a kiss?" He puckered up only to have his lips connect with a carrot Konan threw at him.

"Go wash these up."

"But. But…"

"Oh! The light! It's fading! I'm dying…Pein, help me…" Konan pretended to faint and fall. Pein caught her just in time.

"I will do it! I will wash these carrots for you, Konan-chan!" He hopped away to the kitchen.

"**Kirina-chan. We're hungry." **As if on cue, Zetsu's stomach growled.

"Don't eat me!"

"**Give us food!**" The plant demanded.

"Here's a deal: You do your job and narrate for a while and I go find food for you."

"**We'll do it.**" The narrator left as another took her place.

**Leader washed carrots. They eat. **_Why do they get to eat and we don't? _**I don't know! **_The girl should hurry up. I'll eat her arm off. _**Deidara would blow us up if we did. **_Deidara will blow her up by the end of this story anyways, we might as well ease his job a little._** That's not a bad idea.**

Our narrator returns. (Finally!)

"I brought your favorite, mailman! How far are you in the story?"

"**They eat.**" Sweat drop.

"Uh, here's your food. I'll take it from here." She threw the mailman at the plant.

The couple enjoyed a very delicious dinner and carrot cake for dessert. *Munch, munch, munch*

"Zetsu? Can you keep it down?"

"**No."**

"Fine."

The next day, a satisfied Konan sat happily by the window and looked at the witch's garden like she does every day. The carrots seem even more perfect today. The longing returned. Pein, who loved his wife very much, snuck into the garden again. Unluckily, the witch, dressed in an ugly black dress with a mask covering her face, was out studying her garden. She caught the poor man.

"You! What are you doing in my beautiful garden! Trying to steal my carrots!"

"I'm so sorry it's just that my wife and…Kakuzu? **You're **the witch?"

"Yes I am! Do you have a problem with that? Is my butt not big enough to be a witch? I knew I should've told the costume designers to make it bigger! Anyways, you were saying?"

"My wife…uh, Konan. Loved your carrots, if she couldn't eat some tonight she'll die!"

"Ah, so that's what happened." She croaked. "I will give you some carrots under one condition. Your wife will have a daughter in a few months, once she does, you will give the daughter to me in exchange for carrots." The man thought this over.

"Okay. I promise." The evil witch took a bunch of carrots and threw them at Pein.

"Now shoo! Time is money and you're wasting my time!" Pein didn't need a second warning, he sped out of there faster than ever.

A few months later, just as the witch foretold, Konan had a beautiful baby girl.

"What should we name it?" Pein asked.

"Deipunzel after…uh….some princess." At that moment, lightning struck and the witch appeared in a shroud of black smoke.

"Give me your daughter!"

"Never!" Konan yelled. (The following event includes a dramatic mother crying for her baby, an overprotective husband, some fighting, a weasel, and several securities to "clear things up")

* * *

><p><strong>16 years later….<strong>

Deipunzel stared out the window, just like her mother did. For sixteen years, the witch had locked her up in the highest tower in the land.

"Why the hell am I a girl, un?" She wondered aloud….

"You said the wrong line." The narrator whispered.

"It's true, un! Do you just like to make fun of me?"

"I'll give you a better part next time!"

"Do I get to kiss someone, un?"

"YES YES WHATEVER! Get on with it, this is too long!"

"Fine, fine."

"I wonder what the outside world looks like, un."

"Deipunzel, Deipunzel. Let down your golden hair." Deipunzel dropped her silky long hair down.

"I hope it's so heavy that it kills you, un!" The witch climbed up and entered through the window.

"You say something?"

"Nothing." This was what the witch did everyday. She visited Deipunzel and threw carrots at her for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Today was no different. She threw the carrots and left. As the witch left, a shadow appeared from the garden. This mysterious person watched everything that happened.

"Sempai, sempai! Let down your hair!"

"BAKA! It's Deipunzel."

"Oh…Deipunzel, Deipunzel let down your hair!" A long rope of blond fell. The mysterious figure climbed up.

"Oh!" Deipunzel spoke in a completely false tone. "You aren't the witch! Who are you?" The intruder turned out to be a man with an orange swirly mask in royal clothing.

"I am Prince Good Boy!" He exclaimed, unsheathing his sword.(Don't worry, it's made of plastic. Only a stupid person would give Tobi a real sword;)

"And what the hell are you doing here, un?"

"Sempai! You have to be ladylike!"

"Oh, just what are you doing in my lonely castle, my dear prince? That good enough, un." The prince nodded.

"Prince Good Boy is here to save you!"

"Oh joy." The girl mumbled.

"Wait here at sunrise tomorrow. Prince Good Boy will save you then!"

"I can't wait, un." With that, Prince Good Boy jumped down. The witch, meanwhile, had watched their whole exchange. She asked Deipunzel to let her hair down and climbed up.

"HOW DARE YOU, CHILD! I WILL CUT YOUR HAIR OFF AND GIVE IT TO CHARITY!"

"Charity, un? When were you ever interested in charity?"

"Since never! Now turn around!"

"No."

"You dare disobey me? You will suffer the consequences!" She forced Deipunzel around and with giant scissors, chopped her hair clean off.

"YOU CUT MY HAIR OFF, UN! GIVE IT BACK, YOU OLD HOOT!"

"What did you call me?"

"OLD HOOT!" The witch shook violently.

"SUFFER THE WRATH OF KAKUZU!" The witch tied poor Deipunzel down on a chair and proceeded with her plan.

"Aw, you feel sorry for me, Kirina-chan?"

"Sadly, yes. I do."

The next morning, Prince Good Boy kept his promise and returned to the castle.

"Sempai, sempai. Let down your hair for Prince Good Boy!" The long strip of hair went down. The masked prince climbed and climbed till he reached the top. Only to find…an old wrinkle bag in place of his beloved sempai.

"You're not sempai! You are…sempai's granny!"

"I am not!" Deipunzel struggled, trying to break free.

"Sempai! Don't worry! Prince Good Boy will save you!" He ran to the chair, but the witch blocked his way.

"Oh no you don't! You can't go through past me!" Prince Good Boy took out his sword, preparing for combat, as did the witch.

"Die!" They clashed. After a while, both of them fell down the open window. The witch died, but the Prince survived. He was blinded though and wandered around for days. Deipunzel broke through the ropes that tied her down and carefully climbed down from her prison. She too, wandered.

One warm evening, the prince sat down, tired. Deipunzel was snacking on some berries when she spotted him.

"Prince?"

"Sempai! Prince Good Boy can't see!" Deipunzel walked over to get a closer look.

"Uhh, that's because you have a leaf in your eye, un."

"Oh. Thank you Sempai!" The prince carried Deipunzel onto his horse. They lived happily ever after as the two rode into the sunset.

"The end." The narrator finished.

"So did I die?" Pein asked.

"Yup!"

"What about Konan?"

"Same."

"WHY? WHY DO I GET PAIRED UP WITH HER, THEN WE BOTH DIE! WHY!"

* * *

><p>I did it! I hope none of you lost any fingers while crossing it *Wink, wink * Madin456;)<p>

This was a pretty weird chapter. Deidara was a girl and Kakuzu was a girl. Weird. But the next time Deidara's on, I promise that he will be a guy!...MaybeXD

According to the poll results, 3 said that Kakuzu used his money to buy teddy bears and 2 said he put them under his mattress. I think he saved it up for his retirement plan. Cause he is old, gotta start thinking about retiring. Next poll will be a random Naruto question! Please review! Bye!


	15. The Golden Shark

**The Golden Shark**

I've decided to base this off the Golden Fish after all. Thanks JD

*Because everyone wanted a part in this, the authoress will be narrating the story* *Crowd boos* *SHUT UP! I DON'T NEED YOU!*

*Story start*

* * *

><p>Once upon a time, there was a poor family in the middle of an island not important enough to be listed on the map. Therefore, this island is called The-Island-that-was-not-named-because-it's-not-special-enough, let's call it…Cow's Island for now.<p>

"No! We shall call it Pein's Island!" A certain orange head interfered. We shall ignore his comment for now. Anyways, the head of the family was Pein. He had many kids, and one wife.

"IS IT KONAN?" His wife Kirina…

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"Konan says that I fit this role!"

"You know what! I quit this role. Deidara, we're switching."

"What? I'm supposed to be a kid, un!"

"Too bad, you're the dad now!" Pein says, sucking his thumb. Deidara turned, facing his wife with tears.

"Go get some fish! Don't you see how hungry our kids are? We don't have any bread left!"

"But I don't know how to fish, un."

"You'll learn!" Their youngest son, Tobi, hopped over to comfort his daddy.

"It's okay, Daddy-sempai, Tobi will go with you!" He exclaimed clutching onto Deidara's leg.

"Gah! Let go of me, un!" Kirina tried to separate the little boy from his dad.

"Oh no, you don't! You're helping me with laundry!"

"Why can't I do laundry, un?"

"YOU WANT ME TO LET OUR KIDS GO AND FISH? WHAT KIND OF MAN ARE YOU!"

"The lazy type."

"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU FIND DECENT FOOD FOR THE TEN OF US!" She kicked her husband's butt right out the door and slammed it shut.

"Why? I thought you loved me, un!" He pounded the door for about five minutes. One eighth of his children (Tobi) stared out the window with a sad expression until his mom carried him into the kitchen to help the others with laundry. Tobi looked behind his mother's back and gave a little wave. Deidara on the other hand…didn't give a shit about what happened. He just wants to get back in…heartless. Deidara sighed. He knew that he wouldn't be allowed back in till he finds at least something. After walking to the back of the house and retrieving his fishing rod, he headed to the nearby beach and started to fish.

* * *

><p>No luck at all. After two hours, he had found nothing. He was about to leave when he felt something tugging on his rod. Reeling it in, he was faced with the scariest scene of his life. A giant golden shark floated up wearing something resembling an ancient Greek tunic. Deidara backed away.<p>

"Ki-Kisame!"

"No. 'Tis I, the great Golden Shark!" Deidara was so frightened he felt as if his eyes would pop right out. Then he remembered how hungry his family was.

"I need to take you home, un!" Kisame-Golden Shark held up a fin to stop him.

"Please let me go. I have my own family of a hundred to feed. If you let me go, come and seek me again. I will grant you whatever wish you want granted." The fisherman, feeling deeply sorry for the shark decided to let him go…what happened to his heartless side? The poor fisherman walked back to his house. Maybe if he explained his wife would understand…

"YOU WHAT!" No explaining does not work with woman. "YOU LET THAT FISH GO! WHAT ARE WE GONNA EAT NOW? GO FIND THAT SHARK AGAIN! WE NEED FOOD!" Deidara looked at his kids behind her. Thin from starvation, all looking hopefully at him. He sighed and walked out.

"Oh, Golden Shark! Please come out, un!" The Shark surfaced.

"What is it that you need?"

"We have no food in that little cabin of ours, un." The shark waved his fingers around, like he was directing an orchestra.

"Bibbity Bobbity Boo! Okay, you will now find many loaves of bread, with many more to spare!"

"Thank you!" Deidara happily skipped back home. Inside, the house was filled with the scent of fresh baked breads. The children crowded excitedly near their mother. That night, the family enjoyed a very delicious dinner.

The next morning, Kirina approached Deidara.

"Go find that shark again. I want a new bathtub!" Deidara could do nothing but obey.

"Daddy, can we go with you?" He looked down and saw little Kakuzu and Hidan pulling at his pants.

"Pull at them anymore and they're gonna fall down, un." His children stopped.

"Oi, bitch! Can we follow?" Hidan yelled to his mom. Kirina hit his head, hard.

"Where are you manners?"

"What the F*** are manners?" She hit him again. "OW!"

"That's what you deserve. Go follow your dad." Deidara set off with two little ones trailing behind him.

"Golden Shark! Please come out, un!" The Shark appeared and the kids cringed in horror.

"What the F*** is he wearing?" Hidan shouted.

"THE HORROR!" Kakuzu screamed.

"Be nice, un."

"What do you want, fisherman?"

"My wife wants a new bathtub."

"Your wish is granted.

"I want a money-making machine." Kakuzu declared. The shark nods.

"I want blood perfume!"

"What? What do you need blood perfume for, un!"

"I want to smell like it."

"Mmm, Blood. One of my favorites. Your wish is granted." The shark says. Hidan grins.

"Let's go home now, un." The trio walks home.

* * *

><p>"Why didn't you ask for a new house!" Kirina scolds.<p>

"Because you didn't ask, un?"

"You should know anyways!" Deidara's shoulders sagged as he prepared to walk out.

"Wait, dad, wait! Deidara turned to find all of his children lined up neatly in front of him.

"We want to tell you our wishes." Deidara felt like tearing up in a corner. There's no way he can remember all this. Konan came first.

"I want thousands of colorful paper." That was easy enough to remember. Paper. Got it. Pein was next.

"I want to date Konan."

"You can't date your own sister, un. That's incest. It's gross."

"Then I want world domination! Mwahahaha!" O…kay. Sasori next.

"I want lots of wood for puppets." Deidara nods, that's and easy request too. After that, Itachi.

"I want dango, lots of it!" Isn't he a little out of character for this?

"I want fresh human meat." Deidara shudders. Zetsu..is weird. Very weird.

"HI DADDY! TOBI WANTS A NEW BIKE, A TOY AIRPLANE, LOLLIPOPS, A TEDDY BEAR, A NEW SHINY RED TOY CAR, SOME FISH, A CHAIR, FIVE BOOKS, FLYING NINJA MONKEYS, DEAD SQUIRRELS, PINK MARKER, BLUE MARKER, PURPLE MARKER, MAGENTA MARKER, PIGS, THIS IS A VERY LONG LIST, PONIES, DORA THE EXPLORER, TICKLE ME ELMO, BARNEY IS A JERK, LITTLE PONIES, BIG PONIES, ARE YOU STILL READING THIS, FIVE MILLION POP TARTS, MAGIC MARKERS, A DOG, RAMEN, NARUTO MANGA VOLUME NUMBER TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE AND TEN TRUCKS." He finished all in one breath. "OH, AND A DEIDARA PLUSHIE TOO." Deidara nearly passed out.

"Got..it, un." Dazedly, he walked to the front door.

"Golden Shark! Please come out!"

"What do you want." Deidara took a deep breath and began his long list.

"I need a new house, thousands of colorful paper, world domination, some wood for puppet making, lots of dango, human meat and: A NEW BIKE, A TOY AIRPLANE, LOLLIPOPS, A TEDDY BEAR, A NEW SHINY RED TOY CAR, SOME FISH, A CHAIR, FIVE BOOKS, FLYING NINJA MONKEYS, DEAD SQUIRRELS, PINK MARKER, BLUE MARKER, PURPLE MARKER, MAGENTA MARKER, PIGS, THIS IS A VERY LONG LIST, PONIES, DORA THE EXPLORER, TICKLE ME ELMO, BARNEY IS A JERK, LITTLE PONIES, BIG PONIES, ARE YOU STILL READING THIS, FIVE MILLION POP TARTS, MAGIC MARKERS, A DOG, RAMEN, NARUTO MANGA VOLUME NUMBER TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE AND TEN TRUCKS." He finished, surprised that he actually remembered all that.

"DADDY, YOU FORGOT THE DEIDARA PLUSHIE!" Tobi yells from a distance.

"And a Deidara plushie, un." The shark frowned in frustration.

"I'm afraid that I cannot grant your wish."

"Why? What is it that you don't have, un? World domination? A house? Human meat? Don't tell me, it's the Tickle Me Elmo isn't it, un?" The Shark shook his head.

"A chair. I do not have a chair." The shark went away, never to be seen again.

"Nooooo! Why! Why, un? Why?" Poor Deidara walked back to his house, preparing to get yelled at. The bread, the new bathtub, money-making machine, they were gone. Never to be seen again, just like the shark.

Surprisingly, when he got in, Kirina smiled warmly at him.

"Welcome home." She said, and gave him a hug. Their children crowded around him and gave him a hug too. He didn't know what happened but he kinda liked it. And they lived happily ever after.

* * *

><p>"The end." The authoress finished.<p>

"That was such a great ending, wasn't it, Kabuto?"

"AHHH! OROCHIMARU! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"Kukuku. Just visiting."

"ITACHI HELP ME!"

"Sharingan." Two figures thumped on the ground.

"MWAHAHA! Thank you Itachi-kun. You can go now."

"Hn." The authoress faces the lovely audience.

"The results of the last poll: 4 for water, 3 for fire, 2 for wind, 2 for earth and 1 for lightning. I like water and lightning. Why didn't more people vote lightning? GRR! Oh well. Next question: What would you wish for if you met the 'Golden Shark'? Thank you for reading! Please review. Bye!"

*Crowd boos*

"Shut up!" *THROWS TOMATOES AT THOSE HATERS*

"TOMATOES!" Said Sasuke.


	16. Itachi and Sasuke, the frog?

**Itachi and Sasuke the...Frog?**

* * *

><p>Once upon a time, there lived Itachi, Prince of Akatsukingdom and son of King Pein and Queen Konan. He had everything, well almost everything, that he wanted. He had the kind of life where the whole world would bow down at his feet if he wanted it. Women? He could have that too. With his good looks, they just die at the sight of him! But the Prince needs none of that. All he wishes is for his brother Sasuke to come back. Oh poor little Sasuke, who was lost at the little age of seven. He left his mother devastated and his father...sad? No. At that time, he was too busy getting a new piercing done. Such a loving father, little Sasuke must've been proud.<p>

Itachi, on the other hand, was furious. He was angry at the guards who didn't watch him well enough, angry at the servants for not following him closely enough, angry at his father, who just didn't care, and most of all, at himself. He blamed everyone for Sasuke's disappearance. One day, Itachi went to full rage mode and murdered every guard and servant with Sasuke that day. On that same day, he killed everyone within a ten feet radius of him, sparing no one, every child, every animal, even his secret lover(who we will NOT talk about today!) Ah, yes. The young Prince had gone mad.

* * *

><p>One particular warm, Spring afternoon, Itachi was found walking by the lake in the outskirts of town.<p>

"Itachiiiii!" He heard something whisper-no, more like croak.

"Who's there?" He asked.

"Look down." Itachi looked down, only to see a frog.

"Where are you?"

"I'm right here!" The frog screamed, jumping up and down. Itachi retreated a few steps back in surprise. "It's me, Sasuke!" Itachi's face fell.

"How dare you pretend to me my brother, stupid frog!" He was about to kick the frog away into space before the reptile said something that made him stop.

"I really am! I can prove it! I really can!"

"How?"

"Kiss me! You have to kiss! Then I'll become human again!"

"..." Itachi's face showed no emotion but inside, he had the urge to run off and puke. Kiss a frog? How utterly disgusting. But this is Sasuke we're talking about...it's worth a try, right?

"Well?"

"Hn." Even though his instincts were telling him no, Itachi shut his eyes and kissed it. Slowly, the frog began to glow and took the form of Orochimaru! JUST KIDDING! Did I get the image burned into your mind yet?

The frog was indeed Sasuke. Itachi backed away and opened his eyes to see. There was his brother, twelve years old now, still wearing the clothes he had on that day he was lost. The two brothers awkwardly stared at each other.

"Itachi."

"Sasuke." Begin the staring contest of the century!

...

...

...

...I lost...

...

...five minutes in, Sasuke's eyes began to squint. Itachi smirked, he will win this. Sasuke's eyes got smaller and smaller until..

"Itachi, look! Dango!"

"What?" Itachi asked, momentarily forgetting what he was doing, a.k.a he blinked.

"Ha! You blinked! I finally beat you, brother! I have finally defeated you and broke your undefeated streak!"

"Sasuke...you will get nowhere in life with dirty tricks like that." Itachi said, matter-of-factly. Sasuke's hands formed fists and he shook.

"Itachi...I...I..." For some unexplained reason, Itachi thought Sasuke would thank him for teaching him a life lesson. Instead, Sasuke reached into his pocket and pulled out...one tomato.

"I WILL KILL YOU ITACHI!" With all the force he could muster, Sasuke threw that tomato in Itachi's direction. The Uchiha prince just got tomato'ed.

"Why?" Itachi whispered behind a face of smushed tomato.

"Because...because...it was all your fault! That day I was lost, all the guards scattered across the land to look for me. The servants called my name all day and night. What were you doing? You had your butt glued to a chair in a shop, eating fifty sticks of dango!"

Itachi thought back to that day, five years ago. _Those were some good dango. It was on sale too._ Uncle Kakuzu had a big influence on Itachi at the time.

"I'm sorry Sasuke. Would you like me to take you to that Dango shop sometime?"

"No! I hate dango and I hate you! Eating all those sweets aren't good for you, Itachi. You should eat some more vegetables!" With that, Sasuke pulled out a cannon and fired tomatoes at Itachi, who took every blow while adding comments of his own.

"This is very childish of you Sasuke." _Boom. _"I thought we raised you better."

"Shut up!" Sasuke stopped for a second to refill the crate of tomatoes, then started firing immediately.

"Sasuke, you do realize that tomatoes are fruit."

"They are not!"

"Yes. They are." Itachi cleared his throat and began a lecture on fruits and tomatoes. "Fruits have seeds in them." End of lecture. Clap. Clap. Clap.

"Itachi!" Sasuke ran and made a wild grab for his brother. Itachi stopped him by knocking him out cold. Sasuke fell to the ground and Itachi dragged him back to the castle.

* * *

><p>"Is this really him?" A woman whispered.<p>

"Yes, this is him, mother."

"I can't believe it. After all these years. Pein? Pein? Itachi, where is your father?"

"Piercing."

"Ah..I see." Sasuke's eyes slowly opened and focused on the people in the room. There was a blue haired women and a black haired man.

"Who are you?"

"Sasuke, don't you remember me? I'm your mother!"

"..who?" Konan looked at her son with a worried look.

"Itachi...why doesn't he remember?"

"Sasuke, do you know who I am?" Sasuke stared at Itachi, racking his brain for some clues as to who this man is.

"I don't know." Itachi let out a sigh and explained everything to his little brother.

"I'm Itachi, this is Konan. I'm your older brother and she's our mom. You were just a little boy when you got..."

"Sick! You got very, very sick and suffered from a coma all these years!" Konan finished.

"Really? I don't remember any of this. You guys must've been worried."

"We were. Very much, Sasuke." They all hugged.

"I hope father doesn't mess this up." Itachi whispered to his mother.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure he won't." Konan assured him with an evil glint in her eyes.

_And they lived happily ever_ _after._

* * *

><p>"The end." Kirina finished. "Now wasn't that a good story, Kisame?"<p>

"Sniff...sniff."

"Ki...same?"

"I should've been the one to kiss Itachi!"

"Umm...okay." Deidara burst into the secret recording room.

"What are you talking about, un! I should be the one!"

"Deidara! What are you-"

"BACK OFF ALL OF YOU! HE'S MINE!" Everyone stands there, dumbfounded.

"Who the heck are you?"

"I am the greatest ninja of all time, Uchiha Madara! FEAR ME!"

"...Nah."

"You don't look as hot as I am, un."

"What are you saying! How dare you!"

"I'm just saying that you're a bag of wrinkles, un."

"I have smoother hair than you!"

"Oh no. You did NOT just go there, un!"

"Hey...don't forget about me..." Kisame sulked in his lonely corner once again.

"I have awesome eyeliner, un!"

"Well I have Ah-mazing nail polish!"

"Where?"

"In my house!"

"Umm...guys?" -_-" "You're kinda going off topic here..."

* * *

><p>GOMEN NASAI! I'm sorry for not updating for such a long time! The weasel gave me a really hard time. I had to rewrite this chapter at least three time because the stories just didn't seem right. I really want to thank <strong>The 5<strong>**th**** Arisu **for giving me the idea of The Princess and the Frog!

Okay, poll results. For the poll, 'What would you wish for if you met the golden shark?'

7 voted for somehow warping into the Naruto world and meeting the crush of your dreams. (no surprise there)

3 voted for money (and one of them was Kakuzu...)

1 voted for teddy bears! (Again..Kakuzu)

1 voted for world domination!(Please don't kill me!)

The next poll will not be Naruto related at all. Is corn a fruit? That's what I'm wondering...It has seeds but it just seems vegetable-like. What do you think?

...I'm surprised if anyone reads this...it has been a while, ne?


End file.
